Let Me Say This Again....

***This is a throwback (1/13/05) from my old livejournal. Spawned from a conversation with a friend, who proclaimed that all women who are victims of domestic violence are weak***


Most abusive relationships do not start off that way. Can I repeat that please? I said, most abusive relationships DO NOT start off that way. Can you point me out someone who meets someone, gets smacked in the face off the bat and continues to ask for their phone number?

No? I didn't think so...

These men are all peaches and cream until they figure out that the woman is deeply in love with them. There's no time limit on the shit, they just wait until they know that the woman has feelings for them and her heart is entrapped in the situation. Yes, usually there are signs, usually some verbal lashings occur. But can anyone who's been in a relationship and never had an argument raise their hand?

*squinting out into the congregation*

I don't see any hands...So we've all had disagreements? And I'd be safe in assuming that some have been worse than others right? Would you leave your husband or wife the first time they raised their voice at you? I didn't think so...so although verbal abuse is an indicator of things to come sometimes, we can safely say that not all verbal abuse is a warning sign. So, we cannot fault these women for staying through some arguments. Now, like I mentioned, usually by the time a man gets around to placing his hands on a woman, he has determined that she has invested a generous amount of her spirit into making the relationship work. She has loved him wholeheartedly. This is when he strikes. So although the woman recognizes the abuse and the fact that it is wrong, she's already invested in it. There is an emotional attachment that comes along with it. And not only that, but almost all physical abuse comes with another kind of abuse. The man has probably programmed her into thinking that he loves her more than anyone else could, and that when he hits her it's because she's done something to deserve it or any other illogical reason.

I know some of you are thinking "that could never happen to me, I'm too strong of mind to be mentally abused and succumb to someone like that". Please think again. Look back in history - the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide, the United States slavery system - all the result of manipulated minds. You think every single soul that had something to do with these three tragedies was weak-minded? I think not. Still not convinced? How many of you would pick a big shiny Mercedes over shiny new Honda? I see a lot of hands...you've been manipulated. Because we as a society place emphasis on Mercedes and view them as luxury, you're inclined to want one. Both vehicles would serve the main purpose of an automobile, which is to get you from point A to point B. Mind manipulation can happen to anyone. Throw in the fact that you've invested your love, time, thoughts and maybe even money into this person and I'd be willing to say that anyone is susceptible. I know, I know...some of you are saying "ok, I understand how it can happen, but why do some of them stay?". Well, once again, mind control. And like I mentioned, it doesn't start off that way. So many stay with hopes that "John" will return to being the way he was in the beginning. Also, let us remember that these men are not constantly beating their women 20 hours out of the day. They may in fact be the "perfect gentleman" when they are not placing their hands on someone. Complete Jekyll and Hydes...that just adds confusion to the mix. These women stay because their minds have been manipulated, they have been told this is love, they have been told that no one will love them better, they have received the most tender lovemaking of their life from the very same man who then wrapped a phone cord around her neck. They are confused, they are in need of a friend, they need to be told that there is more out there. That there is better out there. They need to be reassured that although they have had kids by this man, he does not own them nor her. They need to be shown true love. They are not dumb, weak, stupid or deserving. I know. I've been one.