Am I A Bitch?
I know my last post was about my "Northern Disposition" (Thanks, X.) and how I wish that sometimes I could be a little more full of that southern hospitality, and I don't mean to harp, but I've been wondering....
Am I A Bitch?
I realize more and more each day that my number of friends is very few. And the thing is, I'm ok with that. I've never been one of those people that felt that I needed to have a WHOLE lot of people around to depend on and lean on and all that good crap. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've always had people I could call when I want to kick it, folks to go places with and have good conversations...but as far as a die hard friend? I'm seriously lacking in that department...
(SideNote - This BLANCO chick is in the computer lab with me talking on her cell phone like she is at home. I really need her to shut THE hell up so I can focus.)
Anyways, like I was saying:
I don't think I have a really GREAT friend in my life. The one chick that I call my best friend really won the title by default of: 1) there being no one else contending for the title, 2) being one of very few people I've kept around since moving to STL. Our relationship is funny. I know that she will do anything for me but we don't have that typical "best friend hugAllTheDamnTimeCallEveryday relationship that comes to mind when most people think of girls being best friends. And maybe that's ok. But maybe it's not.
I know I keep people at a certain distance. I share different aspects of my personality with many different people but seldom do I show ONE person ALL of me. I don't know why...I used to say I was afraid of someone knowing ALL about me, but I don't think that's it anymore. Maybe I've just seen so many people be hurt by those they let in really close that I choose not to let anyone in that close. But like I said, I really don't know. It's just something I do.
I can cut people off without a second thought. People that think they are really close to me usually aren't. And sometimes I just feel like certain people aren't serving their purpose anymore and I let them go. And I'm ok with that. The exception to this is if I REALLY like you. And I don't find myself REALLY liking people that often so usually it's snip snip - goodbye.
Do these add up to me being a bitch? Some people have said that it's good not to depend on people because they will almost always disappoint you. However, isn't it more human to do so? Isn't life about making connections with people? Having good times with those people? Making special memories?
I'm not lonely. I really enjoy my own company and know that if I need anything, I can look within myself and find it. And I love that about me. But sometimes I wonder how it would feel to just break down and have someone beside me to help pick up the pieces. Because right now, I can't afford to.
posted by Liza Valentino at
9:16 PM
6 Comments:
I swear we are twins or something. Pineapples and all. I was actually going to do a post about this recently...maybe I still will.
But I don't think it makes you a bitch at all. Some people out there have 800 "friends" to choose from, but at the end of the day, is it really a friendship with ALL those people. I tend to doubt that.
If choosing to cut yourself off from unnecessary or negative people makes you a bitch, then it is what it is. I'll be dat too! They say people are only in your life for a season, but it's also about making connections. Sooooo....now I'm talking in circles. I think it's okay to be alone sometimes, as long as you're not feeling lonely.
I really don't have the answers. I'm in a very similar spot to yours....thus ends my ramble.
10:43 PM
I guess different people have different definitions of "best friend" but you don't sound like a bitch to me. I'm also one of those people who limits whom I let into my "inner circle". It's funny though because my GREAT, true blue friends are NOT the people who need to talk to me every-damn-day. We give each other space but we've got each other's backs. The chick who DID call me every-damn-day proved NOT to be a great friend because she was so darned needy. Long short short, we parted ways because she felt I didn't value her friendship because on a weekend when I had no less than five people in town and crashing at my place, I couldn't be bothered to return her numerous (as in multiple times a day) phone calls about nothing (couldn't have been that important because she never left one message).
9:42 AM
You're not a bitch... at all. As a matter of fact, you sound a lot... like me. *rethinking that first statement* LOL But you don't NEED a lot of friends... and I speak to MY best friend about once a month... maybe. We just have our own lives.
See media tend to define great friends for you with movies like "Waiting to Exhale" and shows like "Girlfriends" etc. But those "perfect" friendships are no more the reality for a most people than finding our "Prince Charming." So don't fret... you could STILL have great friends without having them call and drop by every day, or sitting around a bonfire doing the countdown on New Year's Eve. *shrug*
You're so not a bitch. The very fact that you question whether or not you are... or that you CARE whether or not you are, is proof of that. =)
And I've learned woman... that you don't have to be best friends since kindergarten to bond with someone and have that real sister-friend relationship with them. I've met a couple of very close friends... just over the past year. So it's possible to still meet your "best" friend. =)))
10:42 AM
Sunnchine - Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in this. You do that post so that we can compare. Your second paragraph was TRUTH.
Bruthafree - I'mma kick you. *mumbles* Sarcastic ass...
GeckoGirl - GeckoGirl...I feel everything you said. I think it's like what X said, I've been influenced by the media's portrayal of what "best friends" should look and act like...
X - First off, if I don't fix your name in my links within a few days please go off on me! OK...Thank you so much, I think you hit it dead on the nail, for real. I keep thinking that because I'm not all lovey-dovey and crap with my best girlfriend that our relationship is somehow less "real" then those people who have those everyday interactions. Even though I know, deep down, she will be there for me. Also, thank you for that last paragraph...gives me a little hope there...(see, that's why your my blog mentor...and yes, you can still be sexy and be a blog mentor. *wink*)
2:52 PM
LOL you're so funny. It's fine, I soooo don't have a sexy blog image. Chevonne (Sunnchine) calls me her Suga Mama!!! Nothing sexy about that!!! LOL I keep picturing that old woman from the Proud Family with her boobs sagging to her ankles. Very UNsexy. LOL So it's cool. I'll be the blog mentor... and all the unsexiness it brings. =)))
12:11 PM
You are mos def not that. If anything everyone does not deserve to know you in that way and thats whats real. But there is Jesus in everyone. We are not loving them we are loving the Jesus in them. Love like you have never been loved. that does not mean you have to love being around people, it just means to evoke love. And if you have to distance yourself from some people than thats what you have to do. Lord knows I have done it. So you go ahead and be you and while you are at it..."Shake that laffy taffy oh girl that laffy taffy!"
12:05 AM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home