Bah Humbug

Someone has been calling me the Scrooge of Christmas 2004. Perhaps it is true. This year I just feel off. There's no explaining it. Even with all the events that happened, I've been in a relatively good mood most of the time. So that's not it. I'm constantly on the phone talking to people whose conversation I enjoy....oooh sheet. I think I may have just figured it out. I've been blaming it on the lack of snow. I cannot remember one year when I haven't had a white Christmas...but I don't think that's it. I think I may just be....lonely. Dammit. Is the feeling better or worse now that I have diagnosed it? I have a few great guys in my life right now, but come Dec 25, there won't be anyone to hold me, no one to kiss under the mistletoe, no one to sneak up to my room and unwrap our gifts to each other with. As much as I may front about emotional attachment (and I will continue to), I cannot front about physical needs. I like to hug, I like to be held. I love to kiss. So perhaps it's not the absence of snow that is making me Scrooge-like but the actual absence of some people that I would really like to have near.

(For Reference) A List of My Scrooge-like Activities
* I just bought my first Christmas gift today (Dec 23)
* Since being back in town, I've bought 4 shirts, 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pants, 2 necklaces and some perfume - all for myself
* Today was my parent's anniversary and I completely forgot
* I didn't partake in the decorating of the tree like I usually do. (I only strung one strand of lights)
* I frown when I see people in those stupid Santa hats

Just to prove I'm not trying to be a Scrooge, here are my...

Attempts to Get in the Spirit
* Watched "Love Actually" 3 times since being home
* Listened to "This Christmas" (the original and only version in my opinion)
* Started drinking regular beverages from Christmas glasses reserved for egg nog and the like
* Drove around and looked at lights in nearby neighborhoods
* Suffered through Ashanti's terrible/horrible/awful/horrific/atrocious/there-aren't-enough-synonyms to describe it rendition of The Christmas Song just because it is about Christmas

So, see..I'm trying to get into it. I heard this song on the radio the other day and it posed an interesting question - "What do the lonely do on Christmas?". I'll let you all know on December 26th...