These Are My Confessions...

I've seen this in a few folks blogs, so I can't credit just one. Something in me thinks I should try it today. 11 things I have yet to say to certain people in my life. So here goes:

11. I love you. You've always admired me, but you never will never know how much I admire you. You are so beautiful. I've always been inspired watching you go through all that you have and still come out with a positive outlook. I'm hurt that I haven't talked to you in so long and you still haven't told me face to face that you are getting ready to bring forth life. But I forgive that because I've withheld things from you too, in order to remain flawless in your eyes. But I've realized that no one is perfect, not even in perception. And so I love you with all your flaws and hope that our relationship will not change when you see that mine are more numerous than you once thought. I'm scared for you now because I see the direction your life is headed and I know that you are so much more smarter than that. Straighten up, I'm here for you.


10. You are the closest person I have to a true friend. It's crazy because we've never sat down and had one of those heart-to-hearts that girl friends have. We don't talk every day and we don't call each other for every little happening. But I know if I truly need you, you'll be there. And you should know the same about me. You are one of the few people who has remained a fixture in my life. Ask me how and I couldn't tell you. But I'm glad you have. I guess it's true that when it's comes to us we are like velcro " you fuck with me, you stuck with me...we ain't breakin up for SHIT!!"

9. I never wanted to call you my friend. I've always thought that you were beneath me in a way. I was Batman, you were Robin. I shared a lot of things with you simply because I didn't care what you thought, you were like a venting board. I see now how wrong I was. You are such a sweet person, the things you did for me weren't because you were following some orders from me, they were because you were showing me what friendship is. I can't believe I was ever that foolish to think that you were lowly. You are truly special and I appreciate you in my life.

8. I abhore you. I want to love you but I cannot. Just because we are related does not mean that I have to respect you or treat you like family. You are a habitual fuck-up. You have forever scarred so many more lives than you could ever imagine. You've constantly hurt those who love you the most and I'm ashamed that you can claim my grandmother as your kin. I don't want to waste any more words on you. If I see you in the street, it's like that, I wouldn't slow my car down to stop from hitting you.

7. You are so flawed. When I first met you, I thought you were crazy. You are fragile. I trust you. I couldn't love you anymore if we actually shared the same blood. You are my family and I will not forget everything that you have ever done for me. You are constantly growing and I learned a lot about being a woman just from talking to you. You may not remember, but there was one night we were on the phone and you told me so much about your past that I could learn from. I never forgot a word of it and I thank you for allowing me to learn from your pain. I love you.

6. You scare me. I am a completely different person around you. I feel like you complement me in the best way. You are my ocean and I am your rock. I feel myself being molded by you. I'm afraid to let go because I've been so hurt. I'm afraid because it feels so right too soon. I like the way you cause me to search inside myself. I want to give you the biggest hug for being there when I needed you. Not doing anything, just being there. For knowing how to sit in the right chair while I sat in the left and just stare at the TV. For watching me sit there with tears streaming down my cheeks but controlling yourself and knowing I wasn't ready to be held yet. I'm afraid of you because I see no flaws that stop me from wanting you. I have to thank you for never pressing me to tell you what was wrong and never questioning me when I said I needed you in the middle of the night. Thank you for not making me feel like a fool for trying to project beauty onto paper but being blind to beauty in front of my face. I think I'm ready but you didn't hear that from me. *wink*

5. I was a bitch. You came to me so respectfully and I used you. You smiled at me and I held a folder over your face while telling you to lift up your shirt. You obliged. I thought you were the most lovestruck fool on earth and even if you were, I would have been lucky to claim you if I ever had sense enough to. I always thought you had the most beautiful smile, but you weren't popular and I was Ms. It (or so I thought) and so you got no play. I saw you last year in the mall, looking gorgeous. I couldn't remember your name but you remembered mine. I secretly hoped that you didn't remember how badly I'd treated you. You were looking too fly in all black and red, picking out a ring for your girlfriend. I had ran up there to pay a bill in jeans and a hoodie. Our outward appearances mocked how I felt about our spirits that day. You were always a beautiful soul, optimistic and forgiving. I was run down, superficial with nothing to really show off. Forgive me.

4. I don't want you. I'm not sexually attracted to you at all. You are a great person, but not for me. That one night was a mistake and that is why I clam up every time you bring it up. I don't know what possessed me, but I am actually ashamed of myself. Sorry.

3. You are such a blessing in my life. I think I claimed you before you ever really knew me. But you took me right in. You are the sharpest dresser I know (wait, I tell you that every time I see you). You are so young at heart but so wise. You have supported me in everything and are not afraid to tell me the truth. I want my husband to be a lot like you.

2. I've written poems about you. I wish we were much more closer, but I know the blame falls on me. I feared you for so long and shunned you. I denied you. I talk a good game, but I'm not sure if I am worthy to be as close to you as I want to. I have trouble. I struggle with my trust and faith in you. I'm ashamed to admit it. I feel like you are with me, but I'm afraid to really check and see.

1. You are amazing. Such sacrifices. I'm so happy that we are growing closer and I admire you more and more everyday. Your strength makes me want to cry because I can only hope that one day I will be half the woman that you are. We are so different, but I like that. I am honored to be able to claim you.


Damn, that was wild. There really is power in expelling words from your mental, no matter what form they may be in..