GAWWDAMMIT, another night in the 'Ville

Now, I am not what I would call an intuitive person. I don't get feelings in the pit of my stomach or wherever people feel those things. But there is one thing I am very good at predicting - whether or not I should go out on any given night. That may seem small, but I can assure you this is the only gut-feeling I get. I can just tell when it will be a dull night, even if it seems that it should be the hypest night ever. So tonight I had the feeling that I should NOT go out. Not only do I have two papers due tomorrow that I have not typed one word of, but I was kinda feeling down and not in the partying mood. So I call my friends to try and cancel and wouldn't you know it, all of them planned on or had already started drinking. So, that left me, newly proclaimed "nondrinker" to be the designated driver. Damn. I was stuck. So I get cuted up, throw on some heels and a nice 'fit, and strut my ass out the door.

So, we get to the club/bar and there is this boy in there straight cuttin' UP. I mean he's shakin his ass on anything that looks like it has life in it. I think it's kinda cute at first. So I watch him for a minute and then he starts doing this version of the electric slide that I made up and taught everybody here in the 'ville. So, at this point I'm like "aww HELL NAW". Don't do my shit in front of me! Only me and all the other people with plenty of melanin do it. OK, we do teach some cool ass white folks every now and then, but I had NEVER seen this kid before, so I'm like uh uh. So, I step on the floor in my heels and start to show this lil dude up. He starts dancing with me and I spin away. Finally, he catches up with me and yells over the music "I watch you dance all the time!!" Word? OK, that's what's up - acknowledge where you got that shit from, cuz you damn sure didn't learn it watchin MTV or the blank channel (BET). Just when I thought he was ok, he leans in and says "Watch!!!" So I turn and watch in horror as fool tries his best to do the stab/clown/shank/pancake whatever the hell you call it. It's a St. Louis dance and it's old as hell to me. (For you non-STL folks, it's the dance in the Nelly and Chingy videos that people do where they look like they are twisting their arms up and stabbin folks.) He was just as proud as could be, beaming, with this grin that said "huh? huh?! Aren't you proud I can do the negro dances? However, instead of talking bad to him (he probably couldn't hear me anyway, with all the music), I just shook my head and walked off.

Two muthafukkin seconds later, this white girl grabs my arm and yells in my ear "Can I take you home?" What in the flying hell?!!?? At this point, I'm straight rolling up sleeves getting ready to show this bitch what such audacity will get her. Quickly, her friend, Captain-Save-A-Ho swoops in and says "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." and drags the drunk dyke off. I'm sicka that shit. It's an old ass routine and these chicks up here do it ALL the time. One friend gets pissy drunk and either:
1) spills her drink on someone
2) murders someone's foot with her drunk ass two-step
3) says something COMPLETELY inappropriate
4) asks someone to show them the latest dance
5) tries to get someone else's man to take her home
No matter the infraction, their sober (or much less drunk) friend always comes to the rescue, makes an excuse, apologizes and quickly gets the hell away. I'm tired of that! The next bitch that does something even remotely stupid to me is gon have a "come to jesus" meeting with my right fist. There won't be anytime for their Super Hero Sober Friend to swoop in because Imma be like The Flash with that shit. *POW!!!*
Then Imma walk away smiling while Super Sober Friend is left to scoop they ass off the floor. Mark my words...

So, we finally leave the club/bar and go to McDonald's, the official hillybilly afterspot. So not only is their machines for credit/debit cards down, but it takes them like 15 minutes to take our order when there is no line. We finally order and go through. At the window, I hand the girl a 5 dollar bill for a $.96 apple juice and tell her to just "give me 4 back". This chick gives me back EIGHT dollars. A five and three ones...I guess that partly makes up for my club drama.

So, I FINALLY gets my ass in the crib, kick off my damn 4 inch heels and sit down to eat my chicken sandwich and apple juice. Now, I almost ALWAYS order the same thing form McDonald's - a chicken sandwich, NO mayo, ADD cheese. After I ordered, they repeated it back perfectly. So why, when I unwrap my sandwich is there that creamy ass white substance on my chicken??? WHY???!!! Not only that, but my sandwich was on two BOTTOM bun pieces. WTF??!! I mean, damn! Not that the bread tastes different if it's a top or bottom bun piece, but who is drunk back there fixing the sandwiches? This just conforms my theory that the majority of fast food workers are flugging IDIOTS. (No offense if you have done the burger-flipping thing, but this is just my experience)

Once again, ONLY in the 'Ville would a stupid ass night like this happen. I'm off to type at least one paper and enjoy the extra 4 dollars in my pocket..holla at cha girl