I Just May Be (a LITTLE bit) Wrong

So, I almost had to whoop ass tonight. Here's how it went down:

Me and my girl head to the bar/club. It's cold as hell and when we get there, it's less than half full. We make our way to the dance floor, which is even more empty than the rest of the bar, if that's possible. We are there less than 20 minutes when some drunk ass white girl comes in and damn near falls down the ramp on her way down to the dance floor. Did she have the decency to fall silently? No, this bitch had to let the whole club know she almost busted her ass. "OHMYGOD, Laura!!! Did you see me?!! I almost fell!!! Like, I might have MAJORLY busted my ass!!!" At this point, I'm irritated and I lean over the railing that over looks the dance floor, look her dead in the eye and say "Shut the Fuck Up!" It could have been done there, but this chick decides she doesn't want to take my professional advice and starts talking shit. I couldn't really hear her over the music, so I had to make my way to the dance floor to hear her better (heehee...). At this point, she's all like "Why would you say that to me? You don't even know me!!OMG, I didn't do anything to you!!..blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..." I tell her I don't need to know her but what I do know is that I don't want to hear her drunk ass the second she walks into the club. She continues to talk and then....then, this bitch had the audacity to throw her hand up in my face. Not the white girl, limp wrist hand, oh no, this was the old-school Jamie Foxx from "The Jamie Foxx Show" hand (circa 1997), complete with the screeching brakes sound effect. (OK, so she didn't make the sound effect, but the heffa probably thought about it). That's all I need to see. I'm nice and tell her punk ass to try that cute shit one more time and I promise to break her in half. I say all of this while taking off the huge hoop earrings I had on (cuz you know a sista can't give an opponent anything extra to pull or grab). It's at this point she starts avoiding eye contact. Yeah, that's right...retreat....you can't win. But, wait, the bitch's lips are still flapping!! Anger building, I make a move to tap her on her shoulder. This is when I feel my friends descend upon me like a trained S.W.A.T. unit and drag me out of the battlefield. I swear they moved like they had recieved assigments!! Friend Number 101, you grab the right arm, Friend 102, you've got the left, Friend 103, you are assigned to guide Aries to safety once the limbs are disarmed...Ready? MOVE!! MOVE!!! MOVE!!! A few minutes later, I've calmed down because the shit wasn't that serious anyway. That was until I glanced down at this heffa and see her readjusting this three big ass tacky rings she has on and all the while holding what seems to be a very animated conversation with her friends. You know what I'm thinking: This bitch must be talking about me. I'm guessing that she thinks those $4.50 costume jewelry rings from Claire's will act as some makeshift brass knuckles and she's telling all her friends exactly what she anticipates the impressions on my face will look like. Matter of fact, I know she was talking about fighting me because she punched herself in the palm after she twisted one of the rings around. (And no, "Knuck if You Buck" wasn't on...) So I start shouting that she must be talking to me and if she wants it (Don't even front like you don't know what it is...), I'm right here. It's at this point that her friend walks over and says: "She wasn't talking about you. I'm so sorry, she's really drunk. See this post for my feelings about the infamous "she's really drunk" excuse. I swear Imma (and yes, that is a word. It's in the dictionary right before I-made-that-shit-up) snap a bitch neck in this hick town before I leave. But then again, I may have been in the wrong for telling her to shut the EFF up. But I was just offering my opinion, right? *sheepish smile*

OK, OK sue me...I was looking to start shit. But best believe if she was bold enough to bring her wrist above waist level again, I woulda finished it...

*off to listen to my Erykah Badu and meditate* lol...

~~~I realize there is an insane amount of profanity in this post. See what the Ville does to a person? *walking away muttering "nonviolent, nonviolent" in my best MLKJ voice*~~~~