18943 Ways to Make Noodles

You may have noticed that I haven't been blogging as much lately.

I've recently realized some things have been getting neglected in my life. There are some things, some people that I need to put more time and effort into rather than sitting here writing about it.

Tomorrow I will post the first entry in my three part series of goodbye to the blogging world.

Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't....I have to see how things work out and whether or not I've neglected things so much that they can't be repaired...

But until tomorrow, here is an entry from my reserves.....


Things I didnt appreciate until I got to college

Water Pressure
Oh man, oh man. Remember when you were a kid and it was summertime? Remember how you didn't own a sprinkler so you improvised by playing with the hose and pushing your thumb over the spout? Remember how somebody always grabbed the hose and folded it so your waterfall of wet fun drizzled off into a sad trickle? That's what my college showers feel like. Forget a morning with the water pelting your back and feeling like little delicious drops of warm awakening. Those days are long gone. Say hello to crowding up under the showerhead and contorting your body so that you get as many drops of water as possible to make blessed contact with your body. I used to be all hunched up in the shower, looking like Quasimodo just so my ass wouldn't be cold while the front got all the water. Fun times I tell ya....

Hot Water
Ah this shit goes right along with the water pressure. Not only is the water minimal, but when you get some, it's like 4 degrees above lukewarm. It may just be that I like my shower water scorching hot though. I'm talking about that kind of hot that makes you jump back and when it hits your skin, it "itches" for a second. I'm talking about water so hot that if you stay in for 10 minutes, the entire bathroom is steamed up and the air is so damn hot it's hard to breathe. What ya'll know 'bout water being that hot? I thought so...but I digress.

I must admit that this year is an improvement over freshman year when I had to deal with community bathrooms (a creation STRAIGHT from Satan's laboratory). I would go into the bathroom, all bundled up in my big cozy bathrobe, little caddy in hand, reach in and turn the water on to let it warm up...only to jump in 3 minutes later and find that it's still cold! Eve watched water jump off on a hot ass skillet? That's exactly how fast I would leap outta there, wrap back up and wait another 4 minutes or so for the water to get to a bearable temperature.

Home Cooked Meals
Yeah, Negroes laugh and joke about missing mama's cooking and how college students eat Ramen noodles, but that shit is REAL!! Times is hard in college, people!

My young eyes have witnessed shit nobody should have to see in their lifetime, all due to the depleted mental state that hunger leaves people in.

I've seen folks try to make 4 course entrees outta Ramen noodles. I'm talking cheese, hot sauce, cut up chicken, beef and various other meats all throw up in there! Ridiculous....

I've witnessed people try to survive two weeks on nothing but ice chips and kool-aid. Shivering and shaking like a fiend...*shm* That was just sad....

I've seen two people try to share a Lunchable. Wait, I don't think ya'll know how serious that is...Think about it....Lunchables..... the little meals that come in the plastic trays, complete with Capri Sun juice and about 7 crackers and 2 slices of cheese! Now imagine two big ass Negroes (I'm talking over 6 ft, each at least 180) trying to divvy up a Lunchable. Not a pretty sight.

As for me, times have never been that hard. But one gets to a point where the food on campus just doesn't cut it. I mean, I'm assuming that they try to make the food as edible as possible, but they just must face the fact that the majority of the time they fail miserably. So miserably, in fact, that last time I went home, I put in a request for some spaghetti 2 weeks ahead of time. Who in da hell looks forward to spaghetti besides Italian folks? It's that bad ya'll...


Free Laundry
Take a second and think about all the laundry you did in the past 3 weeks. Now, divide all your loads in halves and count the number of loads you have washed. Now imagine paying $1.25 for each damn load. Quarters were like pieces of gold freshman year. We used to hoard them like squirrels do with nuts. Paying for laundry was a bitch.

And I swear to you, they make the washing machine's all EXTRA small so you can only get 3 pairs of jeans, a hoodie and 2 pairs of undies in there before the shit is at capacity. Just robbing us po' college folk!

I'll never forget this one event though. One of my homeboys did an entire load of laundry with powder detergent. When he opened the washer all he saw was white powder all over his clothes. In his first attempt at doing his own laundry, he put the detergent on top of his clothes. Not a big problem if you're at home, right? Just run the shit through again and everything is straight. Not in college. That shit'll cost you 5 quarters and an entire extra load that could have been washed.

So what did he decided to do with his extra detergenty clothes?

He looked at them for a second or two. Then he started pulling them out, one by one and beating the powder off of them. Finally, I watched in awe as he walked over to the sink, rinsed them off and then threw them in the dryer, which was free. LMAO.


Clean Water
The h2O supply up here runs neck to neck with Mexico's reserve, I'm sure of it. It's like I can smell each and every nutrient, vitamin and particles of non-water substance that may be in it. It stinks, for real ya'll. That's why almost all the people up here with at least drop of melanin refuse to drink it. Shit, I used to go out to restaurants and order delicious lemonades, juices and liquor (when I could get away with it), but now? As soon as I leave the 'Ville, "let me have a glass of water, please." Never before did I appreciate some "high quality h2O" (MAJOR props to you if you get that movie reference. It means you're a goofy ass like me!)

Maternal Alarm Clocks
Back at home, if my ass was about to be late for something, I awoke to the sound of my mother's screams and her fists banging on my bedroom door. That shit used to irritate the HELL outta me, especially when I "wasn't....really...sleep...just...resting...for...a....few...more........minutes..."

But now?

What I wouldn't give to have that annoyingness back in my life.

See, I'm the type of hardheaded mudda sucka that lives by the creed, "If I don't wanna, I ain't gotta" (Shaddup, nobody said that taglines had to be grammatically correct!) So that means if I have an 8am class that I don't wanna go to....I ain't gotta. If I look outside and it appears that I can sense inclement weather that may or may not really be there and I decide to stay in bed, I can. Unfortunately for me, I have appeared to discover my "lazy" bone. I will think of any reason not to go to class when I don't feel like it. Sun too bright? Skip class. It's my half birthday? No reason to go out today. Snow look a little too cold? Better not chance it.

See? Just silly ass reasons not to go to class. But if I was home, besta believe mama wouldn't play that.

Feel free to share ya'll broke down stories wit me.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY E. BENTLEY...OOPS...E.DIDDY!