Put Ya Spin On It (Got Love For My Shoes...KSWISS!!)

Breathe too heavily and you may miss the best part of the new Coke commercial. You know, the one where several young guys are hoopin' it up at the local playground when the ball rolls to the feet of an older man? While everybody is busy "ooohin and ahhin" at the fact that the older guy schooled the young shit talker, they usually miss the best part. What is it? At the very end when youngin is taking a swig from the cool, refreshing (somebody needs to pay me) Coke, his boy in the background says "Do you know who that is? That's Rooftop, son. He's a LEGEND." Then the Coke logo flashes across the screen with the word - "Respect." Point? You gotta know those who came before you if you want to be the best.

Scouring some American Idol message boards, trying to find some David Brown and Nikko Smith peformances, I stumbled upon some imbiciles who stated that Mikalah Gordon's rendition of "God Bless The Child" was *GASP* better than Billie Holiday's. What in the flying fuck they are smoking, I don't know. Brutha-free, if you ever get a hold of that Grade F mess, do not blog that day, apparently it makes you say stupid ass shit. How in the hell somebody can say a freakin 17 year old, whose hardest struggle was probably the American Idol audition process, can sing "Mama may have, papa may have...but God bless the child that's got his own.." betta than Ms. Holiday, I'll never know. Come on now, that's borderline blasphemous.

There are obviously some people who don't know that you need to know the past in order to make it through the future. Here is my list of:

Worst Remakes EVER.

"Someday We'll All Be Free" - Justin Guarini
I haven't even heard this. I just found out he had the audacity to cover this song by googling my favorite song to find out who had the balls to cover it. Come to find out it's this Sideshow Bob looking fool. He earns a spot on my list because he can't sing and no one slapped him and told him that Donny Hathaway is not to be fukked with.



"My Prerogative" - Britney Spears (Originally done by the Tyrone Biggums of R&B - Bobby Brown)
What is hell's name was she thinking when she remade this? Now she got folks talking about "she took a bad song and made it worse..." Naw pimpin, I remember. This usta be the jumpoff. Bobby Brown had grown ass married men whose young days of pimpin and spittin linen to the young women were LOOONG past talking bout "It's MYyYyy prerogative!!" So don't tell me that mess. She took what was a decent song and made it horrendous. And her cyber-space vocals certainly don't help.

"The Star-Spangled Banner" - Carl Lewis
Anytime you have to apologize midsong, you've done something extremely wrong. After fucking up royally, Carl took a break from singing and told the crowd "I'll make up for it, now..." He never did. He continued to slaughter the anthem, sounding like he had about 5 Freds from "Da Band" dying to get out. Cracked notes galore. Ya'll know that part at the end that says "O'er the land of the FrEeeeeEeEE..."? You know, the part where people usually choose to show off the upper end of their singing range? Yeah, well, not Carl. His ass got to that part, stopped mid performance, thought about it and took that note to lows (literally) never seen before. Don't believe me? Click Here to hear the atrocity.

"This Christmas" - Ashitty, oops, Ashanti
Death to ANYONE who attempts to sing this song and doesn't come remotely close to invoking the feelings of the original. So that means 95.9989% of muthafuckas who've attempted to sing this (publically) should be dropping quicker than plants in a crackhouse pretty soon.

Seriously, I cannot stand for people to try to sing this song on TV specials and shit and not even come close to the sincerity Donny poured into it. But of all the performances I've seen, Ms. Douglas' was BY FAR the worst. Barring the fact that she can't sing, nah wait, fuck that, that's the main reason for my anger towards her attempt at this song. So, not only does she sound worse than Ms. Piggy after sex (don't look at me crazy like ya'll never noticed how Ms Piggy sounded extra throaty after she and Kermit came from being alone someplace!), but the ho had the audacity to pass the mic to her even more talentless (if indeed this is possible) sister, who then proceeded to read the words off a SIDEKICK!! Don't tell me...no really, don't tell me that this lil ho didn't even have the decency to learn the words before she appeared on the blank channel (BET) to sing it? *cocking back my hand*

***SMACK!!*** BITCH....learn to respeck yo' elders fo' you come with that craziness!


"When Doves Cry" - Ginuwine (originally by *waving my finger in the air crazily the realizing "oh wait, that phase is over"*...Prince)

Do not touch Prince. Especially a classic Prince song. So what Prince songs does that leave to be tackled you ask? NONE DAMMIT, NONE!!! Until Sir Purpleness dies, no one shall touch any Prince songs. (Act 27849, hereby enacted on March 9, 2005 by the presiding Honorable Know-It-All, Ms. Liza Valentino herself, better known as Aries. )

"All I Do" - B5 (orginally by Troop)

What in the hell? That's all I gotta say. These little greasy-head boys look like they jumped straight outta Westside Story and started singing. Please ship them right on back with those Elvis hairdos. Just a mess...



Alright, I know there are TONS more that I have missed, but my mind caught a blank page and it is 2 in the morning, cut a sista a break. Tell me the ones that shoulda been on the list in the comments section.


**EDIT** BLOGGERS EVERYWHERE!! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! Have you taken time out to hug your "r" key today? Please do...because you could look down one day and have an empty space underneath your "4" and "5" keys...*sniff sniff* That is all....

***EDIT #2*** (in explanation of the first edit) My "r" key/button popped off my laptop and I typed my entire entry (as well as both edits) using the little nub that is found under that actual key. It's not fun and I miss my R....That is all. Get it? Good...