Same Shit, Different Road....

Here is an old ass observation of mine with a bit of explanation:

The muthafuckas who can't walk straight are the same ones who can't drive worth shit.

Proof? See Aries' Walking Manual (located directly below).

1. Stay on yo damn side!
Here in Ammurika (say it like you are from da LOU . "Nelly-style" for those who still can't place it) we drive on the right side of the road. Apply the same damn rule to walking. It's natural since that is the way we drive. If it's a two-lane sidewalk, walk towards your destination on the right side. Walking on the left side will result in confusion, purposeful tripping by mean ass folk like me and/or the old-fashioned "bump and glare*."

Driving Parallel - Offenders of the worst kind. People who don't understand the concepts of two lane roads and drive in both lanes until an oncoming vehicle comes. People who do not understand the concept of left turns.

*Bump and glare - a move in which the offender is purposely bumped, usually in the shoulder, by a mean ass mofo who purposely lowered their shoulder so as to make direct contact. After the bump, a mean ass stare is directed in the direction of the offender, this completes the bump and glare. It is usually followed by a diverted gaze by the offender or an act of aggression by the executer.

2. Merging.
We've established that you should walk in the same direction that you drive. So, if you see that your "stop" is on the left side, you need to merge into the next lane in order to cause the least amount of disruption possible to the flow of traffic. DO NOT wait until you get directly parallel to the building and then try to abruptly cross 3 lines of walking people just because you fucked up.


Driving Parallel - The people who do this are the same mofos who see their exit sign coming up for 5 miles but wait until the last fuckin minute to dart across 4 lanes of traffic to make it there. Also, people who stop in the lane until somebody lets them over so that they can exit.

3. Use the shoulder.
(Before I proceed, I must admit I'm guilty of this, but I'm a cool ass mutha so I can do dat. Plus I DARE somebody to say sumthin to me!) If you need to have a conversation that simply cannot happen simultaneously with the movement of your feet, DO NOT stop in the middle of the walkway and conduct your conversation. Pull yo ass over to the side until that shit concludes.

Driving Parallel - People who stop in the middle of the road and hold conversations with a car next to them, blocking all traffic. People who hold conversations with folks from the hood who run up to their car and hang in the window.

4. Preparation for traffic.
If you need to retrieve something, do it before you come into the flow of walking traffic. DO NOT disrupt traffic by slowing down find your iPod, cigarettes or ringing cellphone in your bag. Have that shit handy.

Driving Parallel - Folks who get out at red lights to get something from their trunk and don't make it back in time for the light to turn green. Folks who put on makeup, eat REAL ass meals, change clothes and/or shoes, and do their hair while driving. Take care of that shit before you get on the road!