Hoes, Pimps and Pros

So, you all have seen the itinerary, let me tell you how it went down.

The Sex Store -
Last summer, when me and my "best" friends would get bored, we would head right to a novelty sex shop. That shit will entertain (and inform) you for at least 2 hours. So yesterday, when me and some of the girls from my school went to the store, I felt like old times. We were up in there acting a STRAIGHT fool. Messin' with everything. All in the name of love for our friend. The birthday girl is the type who embarasses VERY easily, so we decided to get her some gag gifts. This is what we settled on:

A Kuma Sutra Book
Just because everyone needs a little variety in the bedroom and sometimes the imagination just quits. That's when you mentally refer back to page 69 (yeah, that was WAY too easy, but so what?) and flip dat shit on his ass.

Some Dick Mints
Hey, you can't be getting any if your breath is tart enough to cure milk, right? What better shape to pop? lol

A Shot Glass
Of course it was shaped like a lil bitty ding-a-ling, come on now, follow the pattern....

A Pillow
I saw this and JUST had to get it. It's black, furry, soft as hell, about 10 inches long and of course shaped like a.....? Good job, I knew that you would catch on! The balls on that piece are humongous!

A "Special" Button
Around a black button, there is very festive writing and decorations and it says - "Make My Day, Press Me!" Before we gave her any of the gifts, I walked up to her and pinned it on. Then, she had someone press it. Out pours these loud ass orgasmic moans and sighs. It's very sensual and what's so funny about it is the fact that it doesn't stop for like a full minute. It's so long and embarassing..I love it.

Now, you all are probably thinking - What the fukk kinda freaky ass birthday party is this shit? Stop all that right there. Before you go off thinking that we are some "all-out Adina Howard, freak all day-errry day" girls, let me tell you that my girl had some strippers coming up here for her birthday, so we were just following the theme.


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The strippers were scheduled to go on at 8. I don't think they came out until about 8:30. By that time, there was a room full of about 15 females that were all ready to see some freaky shit.

First out was Quiet Storm. This brotha was bangin'. About 6'3", thick as all get out, and perfectly manicured locs that stopped right before his shoulders. Perfection manifested. (Ok, of course that is an exaggeration, but live in the fantasy for a moment. ) He worked the HELL outta us, and as he was dancing and looking me deep in the eyes, I smiled. He smiled back and that negro had the nerve to have a dimple! Oooh it was over! If homeboy didn't go around bouncin is booty for a living, he mighta be hubby material.

The "main attraction" was a brotha by the name of Total Passion. I wasn't too enamored with him. But he is a talented brotha. Any human who can move their tongue that damn fast deserves a fuckin medal and a bronze bust made of their tongue.

Then both of their asses came back out and finished the show. Those brothas worked for every dollar! It was all good fun. Some girls felt a little uncomfortable because some shit happened that they promised their significant others' wouldn't happen. But hey, we were living by the Brian McKnight creed last night - "What we do stays here." Get ya minds out the gutta, it wasn't no supa freaky shit goin' on. Just what I presume to be regular private stripper happenings. But those with handcuffs on and under arrest by monagomy felt the need to reassure the
ir other halves that it meant nothin. Silly, if you ask me. Strippers are strippers. Pure entertainment.

EDIT: After finding out about some shit that went on at the party, I feel compelled to speak on this shit. So as not to put anyone out, I will make this a "Don't Do" list.

Things NOT TO DO with a stripper.:

1. Under no circumstance are you to kiss him. Especially, let me say it again, especially after you have just seen his face implanted between the legs of EVERY girl in the room.
2. Do NOT give that Negro your number. Strippers are strippers, I cannot reinterate that enough. They are entertainment, not fuckable specimen. You think they don't get free sex thrown at them after almost every performance? Come on now...!
3. Do NOT jack them off. WTF? That is all.
4. Do NOT brag out loud that you would even fuck the tip man (the little negro who ran around pickin dollars up off the floor), the strippers WILL hear you and I'm pretty sure they will discuss the possibility of a Midnight Train running directly through your station.

That's enough and I think I got the main offenders. Now, you may or may not agree with the above guidelines, but take a good look at the name on the bottom of the post. I run this shit! LOL

Back to your regulary scheduled programming....

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Slim spent the last two nights over here. For those inquiring about my abstinence and sleepovers and how well the two mix (or don't), I will likely be posting about that 2morrow or later today.

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And as for the title of this post, it really doesn't have anything to do with anything. It's just something I say when my friends call my phone. So don't be reading any "deep" meaning into it.

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Oh, and if you tried to IM me last night....my badz. My AIM is on that GOOD crack/heroin/something to fuck it up.....I'll be putting it through detox soon.