Aries' Guide on how to be a Cunning Pro
It had to be done.
This is manual number two in my series.
Aries' Official Guide to Cunninglus
Lesson #1 (and it's number one for a reason) - Clitoris Stimulation
Fellas, fellas, fellas. This is the most important part for me. Some guys I've ran into have just thrust their tongue as far as they can inside and thought that would get the job done. No, no, and more NO. Penetration is EXCELLENT. With your dick. But when it comes to your tongue, focus on stimulating my clit, then explore as you see fit.
Lesson #2 - Please, NO TEETH.
Contrary to the popular phrase of "eating out", I would prefer if your teeth had as little contact as possible with my clit. I've heard some females say they enjoy a very gentle bite if done correctly. I ain't the one. Keep them damn teeth away! No matter how rough your girl likes intercourse unless you are ABSOLUTELY positively sure that she will enjoy a bite, keep those damn teeth to yourself.
Lesson #3 - Yes, we LOVE it when you kiss both sets of lips.
The lips located between my chin and my nose aren't the only set on my body. Please do not neglect the labia. While clit stimulation is a MUST for me to fully enjoy myself, this is not to say that all other parts should be neglected. Oral sex with simply the basics is like sex without foreplay to me. While it may get the job done, it's (almost) always much more pleasurable if you take your time and enjoy all that is placed before you. So kiss them, suck them, lick all around them...they are your friends.
Lesson #4 - Variety Pack.
As much as I love to see a man on his knees *wicked smile*, that shit can get boring. Please do not forget that oral sex is just that - SEX. And just like intercourse, one position gets boring when done repeatedly. Let me have a seat in a chair, on a sink, on your face. Switch the shit up. Keep it interesting. For me and for you.
Lesson #5 - Know your woman.
True Story - I swear he had good intentions. At least I think he did. He told me to close my eyes. I did. I heard some rattling by the bed. Sounded like a bucket. Then suddenly I felt his tongue go back to work. Good shit. One second later I felt something hard and compact slip inside me. Next thing I know the intruder was squarely on my clit and numbing my shit quicker than Novacaine. Quicker than you can say "Muthafucka, say what?!" my ass was standing up, squatting, trying to get the feeling back in my vagina.
Some girls I know have said that ice added something to their oral experience. For me that shit does nothing. Ice numbs shit. That's why you put it on injuries - to take away the feeling. I'm not trying to numb my damn vagina, I'm trying to feel everything I can. But like I said, that's my preference. Learn your woman's likes and dislikes before you try to whip some shit out that could get you gone off on.
Along with knowing your woman's individual needs, you need to make sure you have an understanding of her body as a woman overall. Walk with me, talk with me..
*wavy lines*
Hotel room 143. I'm seated on the edge of the bed, he's between my legs, straight feasting. My legs are over his shoulders and he's gripping the outside of my thighs. Then he lifts me up while simultaneously standing, all while ensuring his tongue stays inside of me. I'm about to lose it. Before I could grab the back of his head and scream to my Maker.....my head was two inches from the fuckin floor. This nigga had pulled some Sex Olympic type shit and flipped me upside down all without pausing what he was doing. I grabbed ahold of the back of his thighs and enjoyed the view. (think, ya'll, think...what do you presume I was looking at?) That shit was sexy as hell for all of 4.45 seconds. Then all the blood started to rush to my head and I had to tell that nagga to put me right side up.
Ok, ok it was probably longer than 4.45 seconds. But ya'll get the point. That's why white kids' faces get red when they hang upside down on the monkey bars. All the blood rushes straight there. And if all the blood is rushing to the head, that means other places that were perhaps enlarged, aroused and previously stimulated have lost that wonderful circulation and that may force you to start from square one. Learn anatomy and if that sounds like some shit you wanna try, consider challenging your girl to a headstand contest to check beforehand just how long she can hang, pun intended.
Alright, there you have it. Some absolute essentials for me to have a good time. I'm sure there are many more, but this bitch is tired.
Ladies, feel free to add your necessary techniques. And fellas, shut up and stay the fuck outta this one. Just kidding, you know I love ya'll. You all gon' ahead and let me know your essential rules for excellent fellatio.
posted by Liza Valentino at
2:22 AM
20 Comments:
**Resounding Applause** You know what Aries (wiping tears of laughter from my eyes) I couldn't have said it better myself...might I add that eventually the clitoris will get tender...so lapping at it hurts...when we say stop...gotdern it stop...LMAO...this might have been my morning vitamin
3:37 AM
**RAPIDLY fanning myself**
Girl, I can BARELY type after reading this shit! All I can say is ... you SAID IT BEST!! When a dude sucks the 'lips' gently ... MY GOODNESS ... girl, BYE ... I am typeless (aka speechless)!
7:41 AM
wow...this should be in a book or something! Or maybe embedded in a guy's brain or something...
3:45 PM
straight up, you need to write up a real ass manual and sell it. this is golden... needs to be taught and practiced...
5:24 PM
*crying*
Girl you are hilarious! I was not ready for this one, but you told the truf! ROFL!!!
9:05 PM
Great instructions. Maybe women should come with a sticker on their ass with all that written down - kind of like the patch. Plus it would also have the following warning:
SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: If you are the shit... woman may hold your head down and clamp her things around your neck which may lead to death by suffocation.
10:59 PM
lol @ fiyah
um..mad I missed your comeback..lol.glad u are back and This post was worth your blog hiatus!
1:37 AM
*ROFLMAO!!* Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about Aries!!!! &clap, clap!* Now do ya mind if I add 2 more???
SLOPPINESS
Sometimes there's such a thing as being overly moist with your kisses. As it is, just theanticipation alone can have a woman simply READY! So with her being close to ready (assuming you did everything else right) can you NOT slosh? K. Thank ya!
THEATRICS
Although I like to hear a man enjoying himself, can you cut the overdramatization to a minimum? This includes over exaggerated head movements, extreme sucking and kissing sounds and giving yourself accolades. Natural works. Amateur porn star doesn't. Thanks.
Ok, I think I've vented enough! You brought the fire Aries! Holla!
~Msl Blaize
6:13 PM
girl you need to write a book and break it into parts. LOL.
12:36 AM
girl you need to write a book and break it into parts.
(sorry, that's me above, lol...*smh* damn blogger?)
12:37 AM
Ladies and Gentlemen,
My name is Foxworth Brown and I have just read it all!!!!
Does anyone have a cigarette??
Thank you and good night!
We need to discuss this entry get at me on the blog!
6:06 AM
I'm trippin' off y'all. First, you, then Nia, then Mr Cage.
We should make this official...JUNE- THE NATIONAL COOKIE EATING AWARENESS MONTH!!!
8:49 AM
Hey miss Aries...I definitely LOVE the way you think. This could have came handy for me many moons ago. Miss Harpo, I second that motion!
3:50 PM
Negro Wars: Fighting for the Freedom to Integrate!
By R.A. Pharaoh - 5/30/05
www.nubianjournal.com
The Negro war is an ongoing struggle. But, don’t be fooled my friends. This is no longer a war of liberation but a war of integration. For the Negro shepherd has surrendered to the wolves and he is now searching for a way for him and his flock to get comfortable in that surrender. The white flag was raised years ago after the civil war. Most Black men “stayed put” like Kizzy after the horror show that was slavery. Which is proof of the psychological damage that occurred during the three hundred year programming.
During slavery a great Jedi Knight by the name of Willie Lynch developed a way through torture, deprivation, reverse psychology and favoritism, to turn Black men into weak and wicked sheep.
After Slavery the baton was passed on to Dr. Frankenstein (America) which helped create the Negro shepherd. The factors in making the Negro shepherd was one of sharecropping that put Black men in a situation in which the more he backbreaking-ly sowed the land, the less he reaped. This is just one of the mechanisms that was used to create this sick symbiotic relationship of dependency that the Negro shepherd has with the wolves.
Since life has been made very difficult for Black men not being able to make it on their own as sharecroppers or not given a job, they began to prey on their own for survival. At one point in time for the Black man to survive he had to either pimp, preach or do both. Preachers who were once pimps and got out the game are called, weak-kneed pimps.
The graduation from pimp to preacher was a logical one in a sense. The average pimp has about 3 to 4 women in his stable at any given time pulling in 2 to 300 dollars a night which could add up to $10,000 a night, depending on good weekends. But the shepherd with an average of 500 women in church paying the average tithe of $20 to $30 dollars every Sunday which adds up to $15,000 a week and no police on his ass or bail money to put up, does 33% better than the pimp. Both are tax exempt.
Whereas, the pimp may use direct physical violence to keep his women emotional wrecks, the shepherd uses racism/police brutality. The pimp will use threats to invoke fear in his women while the shepherd will use the bible to invoke fear in his flock of women. A pimp is out to take every dime his women make, while a shepherd only has to shear his flock of women out of ten percent of their hard earning, thus, able to sleep a little more guilt-free at night.
Unlike any other shepherd on the earth the Negro shepherd depends on the wolves to feed him and his flock. The Negro shepherd depends on the wolves to shelter his flock, and when the wolves do, it’s inadequate and turns into some sort of experiment (the projects). And when there comes a time when the wolves will want “their” property back then it will never be hard to do because the shepherd is a civil rights leader (integrationist) and not an economic leader (independent).
After trying hard to get an apology from one fox at home for insulting police brutality victim Amadou Diallo and failed to, shepherd Charlatan has decided to follow the media to Messico to demand an apology for a racist insult hurled out of the mouth of the president of Fox country (Messico).
At “The House of Hospice” (a place for nurses and clergy to provide for people’s emotional needs), shepherd Charlatan was explaining to his flock why it is so vital to the Black sheep community for him to spend thousands of the “organizations” money to visit a head fox and demand an apology.
The shepherd has always “organized” his flock to hear him “address” racial issues that affect the flock since the flock depends so heavily on the wolves that whenever a sheep has a need or a want he has to go to the wolves den with his or her hands out for food, clothes, shelter and a job.
“I’m going over to Messico to let President Vicente know that he can’t just get away with saying ‘I was misinterpreted,” said the slick-haired, slick-talking, portly shepherd with indignation.
The Negro shepherd is always “reacting” to the open honest statements that are made by others outside and inside their communities such as Bill Cosby. His greatest fear is that the Black sheep of the United Plantations of America will no longer wander around the pasture/pastor aimless, hopeless and in need of guidance and dependence. But yet, the Negro shepherd has yearned for open “discussions” in regards to “why” other ethnicities on this planet view him as a fool and a foot stool.
The gathering place where shepherd Charlatan was addressing his flock was only half filled with followers but the posse of media and equipment made use of the void resulting from poor turnout.
“If his comment had gone unchallenged, it would have left the impression that what he was saying was true,” shepherd Charlatan bellowed through the microphone to his bewildered flock. In between the top priorities that the shepherd has given to the flock, the flock would often wonder amongst themselves if they would still be able to afford to live in Harlem not far from the organization (?).
The Negro shepherd is the most gullible, and naïve person on the planet which is why he and his flock remain the “Wretched of the Earth” (Frantz Fanon). What little time he spends on economics for his flock is spent getting crumbs off the tables of foxes and wolves. This is so that the shepherd can continue to use his hackneyed cliché “When white folks catch cold, black folks catch pneumonia.”
What this says is that the shepherd has done such a good job of integrating his sheep to the point of having a sick symbiotic relationship. The symbiot attached to the host can only feed off of whatever’s left after the body of the host has already consumed the vitamins and nutrients. The cliché is also used to invoke fear, anger and “verbal” demands from the flock that the wolves must do for the sheep as they do for other wolves. Which causes more dependency, false hopes and eventually further resentment when that fairy tale, again, doesn’t come true.
“Messican migrants are being employed like slave labors,” Charlatan continued, “And something must be done to end this process.” The shepherd stated, swaying the flock.
Although, the unemployment rate of Black men within a ten block radius of where the shepherd’s base of operation’s is located, has steadily declined since 9/11, and the shepherds own flock can barely afford to live next door to the House of Hospice, the shepherd is as much concerned with the foxes employment situation as he is the sheep’s unemployment situation (?).
President Vicente wasn’t happy at all with having to explain himself to a couple of Negro shepherds whom have managed the lives of his sheep as poorly as he has done with his fellow foxes.
“Please tell me again why it is I have to meet with these people?” President Vicente, the leader of Messico asked his advisor for the fifth time. “It’s not like they’re elected officials. They’re just a couple in black face, uh, I mean a couple of black people.”
“Si Presidente,” the advisor retorted, “but they are media opportunist as well. If you see them and show some sympathy toward their cries they’ll go away. And if you don’t it will just give them further opportunity to drag your good name and their black faces in the media spotlight.”
“And if they want more?” President Vicente asked, sharply.
The advisor thought to himself for a second and said, “We’ll do like PepsiCo, Texaco and other American corporation’s have done. We’ll set them up with $25,000 a year racial consultant and advisory board fees.”
After the last prominent Negro had his say and the spooks and ghosts were fed their daily requirement of sound bites. Shepherd Charlatan approached the microphone as he does religiously and without fail, “Before we leave I want y’all to know that freedom ain’t free!” He bellowed from the podium, his body frozen with an austere look on his face as his eyes darted the crowd. His most loyal sheepdog gave the signal to the other sheepdogs to begin passing the plate.
As the flock began to exit the “House of Hospice” a particular type of vermin that was allowed to grow and formulate its own twisted views and cultural behavioral norms were lurking in the shadow across Madison Avenue and 125th Street. Hoodrat’s are a large part of every major city. They view sheep as prey and with disgust oft times. This, even though, the hoodrat is sometimes an offspring or relative of the sheep. The hoodrat is concerned with primal and material wants and needs that only cheese can fulfill. And although his culture of Hip-hop has pronounced (ad nauseam) that “it’s all about the Benjamin’s, baby” his parents and so-called leaders just don’t understand.
Therefore, the hoodrat left alone begins to develop his own ideas about life. He views the sheep as weak, frivolous cowards. It’s all about cheddar with hoodrat’s and that’s something that sheep aren’t about. Sheep have been taught that by ending racism you will also end poverty? In other words, the wolves have to get their act together first, then, vicariously will the sheep be able to live happily thereafter. The hoodrat’s ain’t trying to hear it. They want the good life now even if they have to pillage their communities and shear the sheep to get it.
There is no commonality between the hoodrat and the sheep. The sheep know nothing about making real cheese as evident with the brownstones that were left to rot for years in Harlem. Therefore the hoodrat feels that the sheep cannot teach him or tell him a damn thing, as far as the hoodrat is concerned, the shepherd nor the sheep are to be respected or followed around in circles on marches.
The hoodrat’s were lurking, scheming, of course they were. The Negro shepherds have left the flock vulnerable since slave’s row. Who else are hoodrat’s suppose to prey on, the foxes? The wolves? Certainly not, the pigs wouldn’t allow it.
As shepherd Charlatan marched his flock and their picket signs across 125th Street flanked by spooks, ghosts and pigs a handful of hoodrat’s stood with their heads tilted to the side with their hands between their legs to check and shake their packages (a sign to the sheep that hood rat’s will never be neutered) as they watched another emasculation procession take place in the streets of Harlem for all the world to see.
It was Rich-rat the larcenist leader of the Lincoln Project bloodrat’s that had taken over the crime ridden area near 125th Street and Mad. Avenue. He had his arm around a cute little chicken head as he and his fam, scoped out the demonstration of sheep for their next victim who’d stray home at the end of the rally.
Meanwhile, in lower Manhattan the godfather of Hip-hop, Russell Rattmons was having words with the national director of a right-wing chicken hawk group who was telling shepherds that receive money from right-wing groups not to attend the Million$ More March led by the Nation of Is-farm leader the honorable minister Louis Foghorn a radical separatist rooster group.
“This is very sad because the masses of our people are suffering,” said Foghorn, when asked about the comments made by the right-wing chicken hawk (often referred to as kites by the Nation). “It’s not about the ADL. It’s not about the kite’s. I am not an anti-carnivore. I, myself, am a omnivore. It is about the mass suffering of the masses of my people, and we are coming together not against this one or that one, but we are coming together on one solid principle: that no individual can rise above the condition of his people.” He smiled, then added “If the wolves and the sheep don’t atone for their sins it is prophesied that God will make the sky light up with fire and things will start to fall from it. And when the sky does fall, don‘t come running to me because I’ve been trying tell y’all for the past 30 years, okay. Allahu Akbar!”
Tune in next week to see:
Will the Negro shepherd be able to get an apology from the president of a nation of foxes when he wasn’t even able to get one from a former “borough” president who’s his friend?
Will shepherd Charlatan solve the employment problems of the foxes before solving the unemployment problems facing his own flock?
Will co-founders of the Drum Major Institute, William B. Wachtel and Martin Luther King, III demand that Freddie Ferrer apologize for saying that Amadou Diallo being shot 41 times by police wasn’t a crime? And if Freddie doesn’t will he be forced to give up his $151,000 (3 thousand a week, damn) a year salary as president. Or will Harry Wachtel and Dr. King have to send their sons a sign from the grave?
Will a Black man ever be the head of a Hispanic organization and continue to collect $3,000 a week after saying what happened to police brutality victims Anthony Baez and Edwin Rosario wasn’t a crime?
Will Russell Rattmons be able to get a legitimate number of hoodrat Hip-hoppers to join the Million’s More March and stand sanely next to a sheep without committing larceny or attempted assault over cheese?
Will the Nation of Is-farm leader the honorable minister Louis Foghorn and every other religious zealot’s screams of Armageddon (the sky is falling) ever come true in our lifetime. And if so, will it happen before or after the Million’$ More Fundraiser?
For these and many other answers to your questions tune in next week.
Negro Wars: Fighting for the Freedom to Integrate.
Spooks are Blacks in the media. Voices coming out of the radio. People who are inside boxes (television) on stands inside people’s living room. Black reporters and journalist. Their functions are to sit comfortably scrutinizing white men and reporting back to the community if anything racist happens after peeking through the keyhole. Another part of the spooks function is to propagate whatever Negro shepherd that is ordained by mainstream media. Spooks are privileged to be given their jobs by the wolves and are paid to be co-conspirators with the Negro shepherd to keep any independent voices out. Especially those who speak against the Negro shepherds teachings of integration, civil rights marches, ending racism, parlor tricks (politics) and being the moral-consciousness of the wolves, as fights towards freedom.
The spooks job as co-conspirator with the Negro shepherd is to wait for something racist to happen in order to comment on it. He then calls the Negro shepherd on the air for further comments and this can go on for weeks with one racial issue. And when the spook and the shepherd aren’t trying to distract you from your hunger pains, overdue bills and gentrification with issues on race. The spook and the shepherd are giving you the black point of view on “mainstream” issues like feeding tube victim Terry Schiavo or the runaway bride.
Ghosts are the mainstream media.
Foxes are Hispanic or Latino (Latino see; Spain, Italy and Portugal about that?)
Kite’s are small slim hawks; chicken hawks (see; Zionist) to Nation of Isfarm leader minister Louis Foghorn.
Jackasses are Black elected democrats who are the party’s mascot.
Elephants are Black elected republicans who are the party’s mascot.
Weasels are Black republicans who will never be big enough to be voted into office.
Hawks are White republicans.
Doves are White democrats.
Hoodrats are guys who want to get paid but don’t know how to, except nigga-tively.
Chicken heads are women whom hoodrats give a little chicken feed to, to peck their worms.
Sheep are the shepherd’s followers and are taught to say baaaad, baaaad white man, because they are the moral consciousness of America.
Pigs are Black and White police officers.
Nubian’s are lions and like lions they are strictly independent.
Negro Wars: Fighting for the Freedom to Integrate.
By R.A. Pharaoh
www.nubianjournal.com
9:13 PM
Maybe me and you can get together and put this on print...Make a lil $...I'll keep you posted
8:25 AM
wow!! i definitely liked this post. i took sum notes but for the most part, u reassured me that i was doing aight with what i've been practicing :o)
10:39 AM
oh aries, how i've missed you! this post is definitely you at your best... and in response to the last one you wrote, may i reccommend those wedge sandals? they give you the height of heels w/ the stability and comfort of flats. i know this is random, but i work at a retail store too, and i've found that those work well for me, even on an 8 hour shift.
12:46 AM
CAN I GET AN ENCORE, ENCORE...
*fanning myself* girl have you been looking in my closet lately? let me find out... you made my day after a stressful day at work.
4:07 PM
...that was wonderful...even though I did read up on it wher I was 17, but still...(You'd be amazed at the "How to" guides available...)
So yeah, but it is good to hear that from someone who is normal..
2:15 PM
Howling with laughter! Gurl! You are crazy. I can't stop laughing...you told the truth, though. sho nuff!
4:14 PM
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home