Aries' Guide on how to be a Cunning Pro

It had to be done.

This is manual number two in my series.


Aries' Official Guide to Cunninglus

Lesson #1 (and it's number one for a reason) - Clitoris Stimulation
Fellas, fellas, fellas. This is the most important part for me. Some guys I've ran into have just thrust their tongue as far as they can inside and thought that would get the job done. No, no, and more NO. Penetration is EXCELLENT. With your dick. But when it comes to your tongue, focus on stimulating my clit, then explore as you see fit.


Lesson #2 - Please, NO TEETH.
Contrary to the popular phrase of "eating out", I would prefer if your teeth had as little contact as possible with my clit. I've heard some females say they enjoy a very gentle bite if done correctly. I ain't the one. Keep them damn teeth away! No matter how rough your girl likes intercourse unless you are ABSOLUTELY positively sure that she will enjoy a bite, keep those damn teeth to yourself.

Lesson #3 - Yes, we LOVE it when you kiss both sets of lips.
The lips located between my chin and my nose aren't the only set on my body. Please do not neglect the labia. While clit stimulation is a MUST for me to fully enjoy myself, this is not to say that all other parts should be neglected. Oral sex with simply the basics is like sex without foreplay to me. While it may get the job done, it's (almost) always much more pleasurable if you take your time and enjoy all that is placed before you. So kiss them, suck them, lick all around them...they are your friends.

Lesson #4 - Variety Pack.
As much as I love to see a man on his knees *wicked smile*, that shit can get boring. Please do not forget that oral sex is just that - SEX. And just like intercourse, one position gets boring when done repeatedly. Let me have a seat in a chair, on a sink, on your face. Switch the shit up. Keep it interesting. For me and for you.

Lesson #5 - Know your woman.
True Story - I swear he had good intentions. At least I think he did. He told me to close my eyes. I did. I heard some rattling by the bed. Sounded like a bucket. Then suddenly I felt his tongue go back to work. Good shit. One second later I felt something hard and compact slip inside me. Next thing I know the intruder was squarely on my clit and numbing my shit quicker than Novacaine. Quicker than you can say "Muthafucka, say what?!" my ass was standing up, squatting, trying to get the feeling back in my vagina.

Some girls I know have said that ice added something to their oral experience. For me that shit does nothing. Ice numbs shit. That's why you put it on injuries - to take away the feeling. I'm not trying to numb my damn vagina, I'm trying to feel everything I can. But like I said, that's my preference. Learn your woman's likes and dislikes before you try to whip some shit out that could get you gone off on.

Along with knowing your woman's individual needs, you need to make sure you have an understanding of her body as a woman overall. Walk with me, talk with me..

*wavy lines*
Hotel room 143. I'm seated on the edge of the bed, he's between my legs, straight feasting. My legs are over his shoulders and he's gripping the outside of my thighs. Then he lifts me up while simultaneously standing, all while ensuring his tongue stays inside of me. I'm about to lose it. Before I could grab the back of his head and scream to my Maker.....my head was two inches from the fuckin floor. This nigga had pulled some Sex Olympic type shit and flipped me upside down all without pausing what he was doing. I grabbed ahold of the back of his thighs and enjoyed the view. (think, ya'll, think...what do you presume I was looking at?) That shit was sexy as hell for all of 4.45 seconds. Then all the blood started to rush to my head and I had to tell that nagga to put me right side up.

Ok, ok it was probably longer than 4.45 seconds. But ya'll get the point. That's why white kids' faces get red when they hang upside down on the monkey bars. All the blood rushes straight there. And if all the blood is rushing to the head, that means other places that were perhaps enlarged, aroused and previously stimulated have lost that wonderful circulation and that may force you to start from square one. Learn anatomy and if that sounds like some shit you wanna try, consider challenging your girl to a headstand contest to check beforehand just how long she can hang, pun intended.



Alright, there you have it. Some absolute essentials for me to have a good time. I'm sure there are many more, but this bitch is tired.

Ladies, feel free to add your necessary techniques. And fellas, shut up and stay the fuck outta this one. Just kidding, you know I love ya'll. You all gon' ahead and let me know your essential rules for excellent fellatio.

Stiletto Pumps My Ass

There is no such damn thing as comfortable heels. In fact, that shit right there is an oxymoron. Don't use it. I, too was mislead into thinking that if I only found the right high heeled shoe that they would earn the label of "comfortable". Hell naw, think again.

Like I said in my offical "comeback entry" (check one below if you missed it), I am now holding down three jobs. The first one is a summer job I had last year. It's basically a reading enrichment program for African American kids. It's a great program and I encourage everyone who has kids to enroll them. But more on that later. The second job is my first ever "real job". By real job, I mean one where you have to clock in/clock out, "having fun" is NOT officially in the job description and the higher-ups are directly related to me. So anyway, I work at a clothing store. love it, love it, LOVE IT. I get to tell people what to wear, walk around and look cute all day and basically give people my fashion advice and get paid for it. Plus I get a discount at a place where I shop anyway. So what's the problem? (Come on now, you know there had to be a catch...) Like I said, I get to walk around and look cute. There lies the trouble. Looking cute involves cute shoes. ALL of my dress shoes (except ONE PAIR) are at least 2 1/2 inch heels. I was inclined to even call a pair of 3 inch BCBGs comfortable until I wore them joints to work one day. Ya'll, I was in TEARS. A bitch had to take TWO breaks from walking to the car when I got off and I only parked a few hundred feet away. So again today I stole a pair of my auntie's shoes which are extremely comfortable under normal circumstances and thought I could get away with rocking those for four hours (which turned out to be more like 5 1/2). NOT so. I'm not in as much pain as the first time, but I'll be damned if the balls of my feet don't feel like I've been walking a wire tightrope for a few days. FUCK HEELS. I'm going shoe shopping first thing tommorow and for the FIRST time, this bitch is going to......


buy some fuckin' flats.

Pour the Cham-PaN-Ya (Champagne), I'm BACK!!!

Man, it feels like it's been so LOOooOoNG!! I promise you I've been blogging for like a week in my head. I just haven't had time to sit down and write a real entry. I've been thinking that my first entry after my little hiatus should be all meaningful and full of that shit called substance, but I don't even feel like it right now. Watch my ass be back on later on tonight with some real shit to say. But for right now, I guess I can give you one of my infamous (how'd they get to be infamous, you ask? Because I called them infamous dammit!) blog teasers (coined by Lawda).....


- Me and Slim are doing fine. We've worked through the speedbumps we kept hitting earlier on and are now getting along VERY well. (If you catch my drift....*smile*)

- Fuck Cassidy. I'm the hustla! I've been working/on the grind lately with two jobs and a part time gig as my aunt's "manager". I'll explain that shit later.

- My transfer is going well and if God loves me I won't have to return to the hellhole called the 'Ville in the fall.

- Walk....no RUN and get that new Mint Condition CD "Living the Luxury Brown". The shit is the GRITS, you hear me?? You won't be disappointed. So long as your favorite artist isn't Omarion.

- I get paid tomorrow. What can be better than that?

- I've been reading your blogs. I don't always have time to comment and those blogs I did get to comment on got some extra short words from me. I'll be back to giving ya'll my 15 cents real soon.

Blessings, hugs from those you love and plenty of DOLLAR BILLS. <-----my wishes for you all.

This is a damn test

Did my damn blog just disappear? Testing, mic check one two one two.

This time it's for real

I haven't lost my sense of humor. I swear I haven't. It's somewhere around here, it's just a little bit hidden, that's all....

I know I haven't been blogging as much lately. I've been somewhat uninspired. Occasionally I get in these depressed states that last for a few weeks and it appears that I'm in one now.

There's a lot of things going on internally with me right now and I need to get them sorted out before I go and supress them like I'm so capable of doing. I actually started a blog about all of it but it started turning out to be a big jumbled mess so I came to the conclusion that I'm just gonna.....

Take a few days, a week or two and just gather myself. Blogging is good, but I miss putting pen on paper. So I'm gonna write down my thoughts, fast for a few days and pray more often. I just need some me time. I'll be checkin in with the blogs of you all, but there won't be anything new in here for a little bit.


Don't forget about me while I'm gone. Blessings.


I'll be back. (oh, and when I come back, I promise to update my links and shit and maybe even get a new layout. *wink* love ya!)

'Round Here

I'm trying not to do another "blog teaser", as Lawda calls them, however, I feel a lil bad when I neglect my blog and when I get a chance to check in, I try to. So what's been up? I'll try to do a lil run-down:

1. Went to ATL Friday-Sunday
I really love the A. I really wanted to go there with a special someone, but it seems folks want to act crazy...sOoOo that may be postponed. Anyways, I had a great time in Atlanta, picked up some clothes (of course) and scoped some new fashions, which is always fun.

2. Emotional Rollercoaster
Most of ya'll know that I was ready to let Slim go like some shoes from two seasons ago. However, he apologized, explained some reasoning behind his actions and we almost got back on track. However, lately I've been feeling like he's been doing me the same way I was doing him in the beginning - keeping me at arm's length, playing the hot and cold game - and I don't like that shit one bit. I don't know what to do with him, the shit's too complicated for my tastes, so what the fuque keeps me around him? It's not all bad if I'm making it sound that way but I'm not one for games.

3. SchOoOoOoL's Out For Tha Summa!!!
'Nuff Said.'

4. Gawwdamn abstinence is hard.
I don't even know what to say on that one. It's too much, I'm too tense, I need a release....

5. We're always giving something up.
I'm starting to see that in a few of my relationships with certain people I'm always the one giving up the most. I find myself conceding on little things that shouldn't even matter but somehow they end up bothering me. I don't know what I plan on doing about that because in every relationship (not only romantic ones), there's a sort of give and take. I guess I just have to decide how much I'm willing to give.

There it is. The synopsis of topics to come. Blessings.

Assata is welcome in my house

$1 million reward posted in 1973 crime

The Associated Press

EWING TOWNSHIP, N.J. — Authorities posted a $1 million reward Monday for a Black Liberation Army member convicted of fatally shooting a New Jersey state trooper 32 years ago.

Joanne Chesimard escaped from a women's prison in Hunterdon County in 1979 after she was convicted of the 1973 slaying of Trooper Werner Foerster. She made her way to Cuba and was granted political asylum.

New Jersey officials have failed to persuade Cuba to hand over Chesimard, 57, who goes by the name Assata Shakur. Foerster responded as backup after another trooper stopped Chesimard and two companions for a faulty tail light on the New Jersey Turnpike on May 2, 1973.

Shots soon rang out and Foerster was hit. As he lay on the ground, authorities said, Chesimard took his gun and fatally shot him in the head and neck.

A New York television station taped an interview with Chesimard in Havana in 1998, in which she denied killing Foster and said she lived in fear of the New Jersey State Police. New Jersey officials said she was lying.

________________________

Why can't they leave her the hell alone? If this is their way of commorating the anniversary of the supposed "shoot-out", that is truly sad. This is truly some cowboy mentality type shit and placing a million dollar bounty on her is ridiculous. There are so many criminals out there who they could be focusing on instead. This really makes me sick. I've read the facts of this case numerous times since the age of 12 and they have NEVER added up to me. The government has tried so many times to persecute Assata and each time their charges have not been founded in truth. Each time, sometimes after several appeals, she was aquitted. You would think by now they would let it be. And they wonder why she hasn't returned to the States. Many have said that her case is long forgotten and her name is probably not even a cause of concern anymore. This proves just how wrong those statements are. Are we moving forward at all?

The End of Slim and Aries. I Kid You Not.

Alright, here we go.

I don't mean to hit ya'll off with "blog-teasers" as Lawda calls them. But, I be wantin' ya'll to know I haven't dropped off the face of the planet. (How ya like dem ebonics?)

Anyways - the grass around the bush is flat so let me get to it.
WARNING: This is some of the PETTIEST shit EVER. Seriously, this situation is fucking sad and so pitiful that it wouldn't have even made my blog if me and Slim didn't fall out because of it.



Apparently on Wednesday Slim heard some gossip about me. It wasn't anything that directly pertained to our relationship or even something that would affect it in ANY way. However, his problem was that it was almost the exact opposite of what I told him. He reasoned that since this topic came up in one of our very first conversations how could he be sure that I hadn't lied about anything else? Immediately I had problems with this.

Number 1: The way he brought it to me.
Number 2: The fact that it appeared that he believed some other bitches over me.
Number 3: This shit had NOTHING to do with us and isn't that gawwdamn serious.

(This is the part where I try to transcribe our IM conversation as close to the original as I can from memory. Green= him, other color= me)

So I heard you are a liar.
OK
So you are?
I don't even know what you are talking about...
(Insert some fake ass gossip here...blahzay skip blah blah blah)
WTF? Who told you that?

This is where I tried for close to 5 minutes to get him to tell me where he heard this mess. He wouldn't give me a name which pissed me off even more. Eventually it came out that he heard it from someone who heard it from someone. Well, I figured out who the person was and I was HOT. I don't think I can convey here just HOW much I abhor people who lie about me, especially behind my back. I'll tell anyone, I would rather have someone listen to everything I have to say about a particular situation and call me a godforsaken liar to my face, than to go around saying untrue shit like it's gospel without EVER talking to me about the situation at hand. I was so damn pissed off, ya'll! Seriously, I was ready to WALK over this girl's house just to whoop her ass. I. KID. YOU. NOT. And homegirl lives at least a mile and a half away.

Anyways, I ended up speaking to her and it turns out that (as is usually the case with gossip) it was all some shit that got misconstrued. Now, I know some of you all are like "how you gon' believe that bitch, Aries? But, for real, for as much as me and her have had our minor problems in the past, we are a LOT alike. Neither of us are the type to say some shit and not own up to it. Matter of fact, the first words out of my mouth when I called her where "I have a problem. I've heard some shit is going around and I need to know where it's coming from so I can cut it short." Her first words? "I'll tell you exactly who said it. It was me. However..." Now, what's funny about this is that before I could even tell WHO I heard the information from, she said "I told that boy..." I picked up on that immediately. Remember, he played SUPER dumb when I asked him who told him the mess in the first place. If I told you all the extent of the bullshit I went through in order to make sure I had the right person, you all might tell me to audition for some scriptwriting on "Law and Order" or some shit. But I digress....me and the girl actually had an EXTREMELY civil conversation. We actually got some stuff cleared up from prior misunderstandings and we both left the conversation feeling better. Which kinda left me ALL offbalance because I expected her to come at me all wrong, especially with the lies she supposedly told. I was ready to kick some ass, for real. That's like being all hot and bothered and having your man be 200 miles away. Like....

DAMN. Now what?


You feel me?

After I got through with her I called up Slim. I ask him if he ever talked directly to the girl. He says no. I ask him if he knows her. Again, no. I ask him ONE more time if he sure that he didn't talk to her. He says she's sure. So I ask him why she IMMEDIATELY said that she told that boy instead of saying "i said", or "what I told her was...". He acted ALL stupid and I let the shit go. At this point, I'll still a little pissed and feeling like he was trying to conduct some dumb ass background checks on me that backfired on his ass. A few minutes go by without any convo and I tell him I didn't appreciate the way he brought that shit to me. He asked what I was talking about.

Umm, when you said "so I heard you were a fuckin' liar". (sidenote: as much as I use foul language in my blog, I hardly ever curse in normal convo unless I'm angry and he knows this.)
I didn't say you were a "fuckin liar".
You said I was a liar, same damn thing. Don't play Semantics with me. I don't appreciate all the beating around the bush shit. If you heard something about me that you wanna know about, just bring it to me, don't try to introduce that shit.
I did bring it to you straight up.
No you didn't. You gave it a bullshit intro with "so I heard you are a liar". That's the same shit people pull when they do "Hey, Aries! I heard somethin' about you!" You expected me to react and go "oooh really!! Whadya hear? Tell me!!" and when I didn't do that shit, you were surprised. Sidenote: I just thought of what an intro to gossip is equivalent to in my opinion. Ready? That shit is the same as doing the old ass childhood chant of "I know something you don't know...I know something you don't knnnoooww!!" That's how childish I find that.
That wasn't what I was doing.
Yes the fuck it was, that's why when I hit yo ass back with "OK", you said "so you are?" Bullshit ass intro. I'm not into playing games, if you have something to say, just say it. I hate when people do that. What did you expect me to say? I can't defend myself until I know what the hell was said, so just tell me instead of trying to ease it in with some wack ass intro.
I'll give shit an intro if I want to.
Fine. Next time you won't be getting SHIT from me then.
Fine. *click*

This muthafucka hung up on me, ya'll! I don't play that shit. That is some 7th grade "I'm gonna get the last lick" type shit. So damn immature. So the next day I changed my MSN screenname to "If You See Me, Act Like We Never Met (And this IS for YOU.)" Before, all my screennames were lil sweet things for him and he always had to ask if it was just for him. This time I made sure there was no way for him to guess who it was for.

A little harsh? Maybe. But hanging up is on the same level as putting your hand in my face and those who can remember my incident with that white girl in the club who pulled a Jamie Foxx know how well I deal with that.

I guess he took heed to the name because I haven't talked to that bastard since Wednesday. And I don't know if I have a desire to. I miss him, I'm not gonna lie. And ya'll know I have trouble deciphering whether or not I am wrong in some situations, but whether or not I pissed him off by telling him how to come to me is not the point. The point is that bitch hung up on me and NO one hangs up on me. That's some disrespectful shit. Plus, like I said, we haven't talked since Hump Day. Meaning that if he can separate himself from me that easily and over some bullshit like this, maybe we never had anything special at all.

So FUCK DAT NIGGA. It's like that for him now.

I would ask you all what you think, but I'm sure you will let me know.


As if this post wasn't long enough, since I've been slackin on replying to my comments, here ya go: (And yes, I realize this may be classified as being "ghetto" in the blog world. Kiss muh ass.)
Dayrell, I was snackin' on some pineapples right before I typed this. Best fruit God created!
LOL@ Cos - I assure you he looks nuttin like any of dem naggas!
For those that asked: Hotel Rwanda was good, however I prefer Sometimes in April. If you've seen both and like HR better, hit me up on IM and let me know why.