Gossip Folks (Intro of Sorts)

Ya girl hasn't left the building....yet.

I just got done with finals and now I'm done with school!! For the summer, at least.

Real update coming soon.

Well, let me tell you a little bit.

Females can be the pettiest creatures alive. But then again, we can be some of the most complex. I recently went through some bullshit where I was ready to KILL. Seriously, I was ready to rip a bitch's head off and not think twice. And I'm not kidding. But at the root of it all was some shit that was so petty and such a misunderstanding that now I find myself wondering why we couldn't have resolved this shit sooner. Gossip is the root of SO much evil. It makes folks fight, makes people cry, makes me pissed off at Slim to the point I'm not sure if I ever want to speak to him again.

Like I said, real update soon. Bear with me while I eat these pineapples and watch Hotel Rwanda. Then, I'll get at ya'll.

Blessings.

Let Me Say This Again....

***This is a throwback (1/13/05) from my old livejournal. Spawned from a conversation with a friend, who proclaimed that all women who are victims of domestic violence are weak***


Most abusive relationships do not start off that way. Can I repeat that please? I said, most abusive relationships DO NOT start off that way. Can you point me out someone who meets someone, gets smacked in the face off the bat and continues to ask for their phone number?

No? I didn't think so...

These men are all peaches and cream until they figure out that the woman is deeply in love with them. There's no time limit on the shit, they just wait until they know that the woman has feelings for them and her heart is entrapped in the situation. Yes, usually there are signs, usually some verbal lashings occur. But can anyone who's been in a relationship and never had an argument raise their hand?

*squinting out into the congregation*

I don't see any hands...So we've all had disagreements? And I'd be safe in assuming that some have been worse than others right? Would you leave your husband or wife the first time they raised their voice at you? I didn't think so...so although verbal abuse is an indicator of things to come sometimes, we can safely say that not all verbal abuse is a warning sign. So, we cannot fault these women for staying through some arguments. Now, like I mentioned, usually by the time a man gets around to placing his hands on a woman, he has determined that she has invested a generous amount of her spirit into making the relationship work. She has loved him wholeheartedly. This is when he strikes. So although the woman recognizes the abuse and the fact that it is wrong, she's already invested in it. There is an emotional attachment that comes along with it. And not only that, but almost all physical abuse comes with another kind of abuse. The man has probably programmed her into thinking that he loves her more than anyone else could, and that when he hits her it's because she's done something to deserve it or any other illogical reason.

I know some of you are thinking "that could never happen to me, I'm too strong of mind to be mentally abused and succumb to someone like that". Please think again. Look back in history - the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide, the United States slavery system - all the result of manipulated minds. You think every single soul that had something to do with these three tragedies was weak-minded? I think not. Still not convinced? How many of you would pick a big shiny Mercedes over shiny new Honda? I see a lot of hands...you've been manipulated. Because we as a society place emphasis on Mercedes and view them as luxury, you're inclined to want one. Both vehicles would serve the main purpose of an automobile, which is to get you from point A to point B. Mind manipulation can happen to anyone. Throw in the fact that you've invested your love, time, thoughts and maybe even money into this person and I'd be willing to say that anyone is susceptible. I know, I know...some of you are saying "ok, I understand how it can happen, but why do some of them stay?". Well, once again, mind control. And like I mentioned, it doesn't start off that way. So many stay with hopes that "John" will return to being the way he was in the beginning. Also, let us remember that these men are not constantly beating their women 20 hours out of the day. They may in fact be the "perfect gentleman" when they are not placing their hands on someone. Complete Jekyll and Hydes...that just adds confusion to the mix. These women stay because their minds have been manipulated, they have been told this is love, they have been told that no one will love them better, they have received the most tender lovemaking of their life from the very same man who then wrapped a phone cord around her neck. They are confused, they are in need of a friend, they need to be told that there is more out there. That there is better out there. They need to be reassured that although they have had kids by this man, he does not own them nor her. They need to be shown true love. They are not dumb, weak, stupid or deserving. I know. I've been one.

3 Little Birds...

stole it from Brutha-Free, who stole it from RBG........

Three little things

THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Light grey Ambercrombie drawstring pants
2. An A-Shirt (let's eliminate the term "wifebeater", ok folk?)
3. A pink Victoria's Secret bra

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. My cellie
2. Green Apple Mentoes
3. My Centrums that I almost NEVER take

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. See E.Badu live
2. Visit at least 5 countries
3. Be in a loving marriage with kids

THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Loyal
2. Fun(ny)
3. Caring

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Sarcastic
2. Stubborn
3. Too giving at times

THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
1. Black
2. Negro
3. African-American
(this is a whole 'nother post right here.)

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My face
2. My wrists (I have a thing for wrists. Mine are small but strong-looking)
3. My stomach, now that I got it back looking to how I wanted it to

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. My small ass fingers. (I wear a size 5.5 ring...)
2. My hips (I don't dislike them all times, but can they go down just a bit. Everybody else seems to like 'em tho...)
3. Can't think of anything else...

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. I get hurt a LOT more than I let on
2. I don't like half the people you think I do
3. I don't like to hurt people's feelings

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. "Not that..."
Example:
A friend gets finished telling me about her boyfriend who tried to run a slick game and got caught.
Me: "Not that he thought that shit would fly!!
2. "You're slackin on the mackin', slippin' on the pimpin' and derilictin' on the dickin' "
3. "This nigga/ These hoes (EXTRA emphasis on the first word.) "


THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. The Rwanda genocide memorial (I've been intrigued with this tragedy since my sophomore year of high school...4 years ago.)
2. Spain
3. South Africa

THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY (other than normal name)
1. Liza
2. Dia
3. Lizbeth (only the madre can call me that)

THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
1. Dia680
2. Honey
3. Quinn (Quintessential...)


That was fairly short. I've been lazy on updating lately. Must be that spring fever shit that's going around.

DAYUM GINA!!!!

Peep the time on this entry.

Ya girl has a 8-10 page paper due by 9:30 am that she hasn't even STARTED yet.


Pray for me, ya'll....

Why Can't We Get Along?

This shit ain't all peaches and cream no mo.

One of the worst feelings in the world? Spilling out your feelings to someone and having them act like you just didn't say a damn thing.

The past two weekends I've been away from school. The weekend of my birthday I went to a conference and this past weekend I was in St Louis. So this past week, Slim and I may have talked a total of two or three times (not including the internet) before Sunday. Not from lack of calling on my part. His cell phone is off so I have to call him. However, I did my part and called that nigga at least 6 times over two days. So during our conversation on Sunday he lets me know that he's a little upset that apparently I'd chosen to leave rather than to try and see him. Now, mind you, this is the same nigga who went to Texas, Oklahoma, and Omaha, all without me saying a GODDAMN word. Now all of a sudden I go to a conference designed to enrich my college experience and go home for a weekend and I appear to be distancing myself from him? Someone pass me the "bullshit" card, please!

*snatches the card outta Star's (hey, she just seems like the type to have that shit ready and waiting...) hand and wave it in the air as I continue to speak*

This is what I'm saying: How in the hell am I supposed to know that he had plans to come see me? He didn't inform me until after I told him I was leaving and then he had the nerve to get an attitude! And not only that, but he was scheduled to go to Texas this past weekend and for some reason or other, shit fell through. So, not only was he late in telling me the first time, the second time I was some kinda fukkin' back-up plan! Smell shitty to anyone else?

*proceeds to shred the card to pieces and stomp on it screaming "Fuck yo card, nigga!!!"*

Please excuse the outburst...

Anyways, so after Slim tells me that I've been acting funny (distant) since my birthday, I proceed to think. Have I? Let's see....I still call his ass as often as I did before. I bought his ass a shirt from Express (that shit ain't cheap, even if it was on sale...), cut off other niggas for him, and am seriously considering making him the one and only, no strings attached. But I'm acting funny?! What da hell? Someone call a flag on the play! So he tells me that it just seems wierd that just as his feelings are getting deep, I seem to be pulling away. Excuse me, nagga? You are not the only one with feelings here! We eventually get off the phone and I tell him to check his email in the morning.

*holding my finger on the fast-forward button until approximately 20 minutes ago*

So I ask him if he got my email and he says "yeah". Ok...15 minutes of conversation pass and I say "thanks for emailing me back." (Sarcasm in FULL effect). He then had the nerve to tell me that if he would have emailed me back it would have been some "angry" reply. Hold up.....


WHAT DA FUKK IS GOING ON HERE?

Let me think...in my email I apologized (something I almost NEVER do) if he thought I had been acting distant and promised that wasn't my intention, told him I missed him and couldn't wait to see him and made a wish that we can get things back to being right between us. What in there could have possibly garnered an angry rise?

He tells me that although his heart was feeling what I was saying, something in his mind was saying "this is bullshit." I ask what exactly was bullshit about it? He says he doesn't exactly know because that's not what he felt about it but rather something in his mind that told him that. What exactly does that mean? Does this negro have split personalities? I know that sometimes the heart does battle with the mind, but dammit, there wasn't a THING in there for you to be in debate with yo damn self over.

So me and myself had a conversation and we concurred:

OK, you know what? FUCK IT. That stupid ass comment from him deaded the fuckin conversation. See if he receives another muthafuckin call from me THIS WEEK. He betta find a way to correct this shit because I'm through playing Captain-Save-A-Brand-New-Relationship. I ain't made for this shit. All this mess shouldn't even be coming into play in the first three months anyway. That nagga just don't know, if he keeps fuckin around he'll find himself outta rotation quicker than P. Diddy's den mother Jason. Buh-lee Dat.



*Footnote: If this muthafucka does the right thing and gets his shit together enough to null that stupid shit he said, disregard this entry as some angry black woman shit (just this ONCE). But, if by chance his ass stays fuckin up and you don't see his name in the future and find yourself asking "what had happened to dat Slim boy?", refer to this post, along with prior mentions of my low tolerance for bullshit and draw your own conclusion. That is all*

Spring Cleaning

A little while ago Danja suggested that bloggers should try a spring cleaning list. I liked the idea so here is mine.


I need to....

Clean out my mind. On my poetry notebook is the chinese symbol for peace. Inside, in silver script, I wrote the words "peace of mind". That is something I strive for daily. And it seems that recently, it's been a struggle for me to achieve a state even close to peace. So I have to get my mind in order.

Dust off my poetry notebook and put some words in there.

Sweep away any pain that I've been holding onto. Mainly pain from The EX. I think I've let it all go but looking back there there are a few cobwebs I purposely overlooked. A dust bunny or two that I let live a little too long in my heart.

vacuum all the bullshit misconceptions that people hold about me. I gotta clear that shit out, suck the life outta some bullshit "holier than thou" rumors and dead that shit, once and for all.

Shake out any expectations I have for people that they haven't set for themselves. I have a tendency to hold people to expectations I hold for myself, as well as those they hold for me. However, I realize that everyone is not me and there has to be a different set for every person. So I'm working on that....

Throw away people that have no purpose in my life, as well as those who seem to only bring drama and pain.

Rearrange my priorities, especially in relationships. Me and my best friend hardly ever talk. That's my girl, but I may talk to her every 2 weeks. Maybe every week in a good month. I guess there may be something wrong with that, but who really knows? I definitely need to make sure I have the guys in my life in order before I head into the summer and meet some more (smile). Aww, don't act like everybody doesn't meet at least an average of 3 potential new "associates" in the summer!

I apologize if this post makes no sense. I didn't even read this before I hit the little orange buttin. Perhaps the next few sentences will explain why...: The section about me cleaning out my mind is probably the most important. I've been in this funky ass mood lately. I don't wanna write, I don't wanna blog, I don't wanna kick it or laugh or act silly. I just want to lay in my bed, with the window open, listening to "Must Be Nice" by Lyfe Jennings or "Missing You" by Biggie.

Any ideas to help me out of this stag are WELCOME.

Let's Hear It For the Girl!

Vonzell Solomon

Although X's post about the mediocrity of American Idol this season almost made me scrap this post, I decided to go ahead and do it anyway.

I'm an American Idol fan. I can't deny it. I get into it. I learn about the contestants and analyze their personalities. Tuesdays are sacred and don't dare think about messing with me during the Wednesday results show. The mishap with the numbers earlier this season? Sheeeit, you woulda thought Bush declared war in my home state of Ohio. I stomped around, cussed out folks who had nothing to do with the mistake and was in a funk until I found out whether or not my favorites were still on the show.

Season 1: Kelly Clarkson? Ehh..she was alright, but my vote was with Tamyra. What happened with her you ask? If you don't know, you won't hear it from me. This is as much as I will say: my homegirl was ROBBED.

Season 2: I picked Reuben to win it. My dad said there was no way America would pick a fat black man from the South who frequently wore jerseys. However, I knew my big bundle of dimples with his satiny voice would win it all. After all, who was the alternative? Clay Aiken? With his limp-wrist tendencies and scarecrow looks? No thanks, buddy, I'll take the "no homo" card on that one. Although Kimberley Locke is gorgeous and has a V-O-I-C-E, something about her always struck me as a tad stuck up. She had this stand-offish demeanor which she exhibited when she told Simon what the hell was up.

Season 3: Me and Fantasia was homies from the gate. I liked Jennifer Hudson as well but homegirl was a bit clueless. So while everyone else was chanting George Huff, I was rooting for the little girl with the big ass gospel voice. (yeah, gospel and ass in the same sentence, so is the contradiction that is me...) Well, we all know who won and gave us the excellent anthem "Baby Mama"! (Alright, now I love my girl, but dat last statement was ALL sarcasm...)

Well, since I've proved how much I love my AI, let's get back to the topic of this post, shall we?

Vonzell.

I swear, if I was a man, or even a gay girl, Vonzell would be like my perfect girl. (Hence the reason I wasn't born a man. I have yet to hear a guy describe Vonzell as attractive or sexy, but that's a whole nother post...matter of fact, probably tomorrow's....but I seriously digress.) She is funny, sweet as all hell and just a likeable little bundle. Plus homegirl has a bit of style, (true the cowgirl outfit was a mistake....ok ok...a disaster, but we're all human, right???) which earns any female points in my book.

But she is the reason I remain plastered to my TV on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Let Vonzell get voted off....Wait, I don't think ya'll understood the intensity of that sentence. Say it with the "I wish a nagga would!!" ferocity and you'll understand where I'm coming from. Let Vonzell get voted off...I am almost guaranteed to throw something, snap a few folks heads off and just generally get real nasty. If ya'll don't hear from me for a couple of days and the only sign of me is an ambiguous posting with the title "Fuck DAT SHIT!" and a body that says "American is full of idiots", check the AI boards, some shit has gone down, separating me from my weekly dose of my beloved Vonzell.

Real entry? About feelings and shit? Check yesterday.

Oh, and TAM, I've been working on that fly ass template you hooked me up with. However, the comment links weren't in there. I got it to where you can click and it takes you to the page for comments, but I can't figure out the link to allow actually comments. Sheeit, if any of you nerdy (and I mean that in the bestest way possible) people know a lil sumthin sumthin (oooh shiit, Maxwell, my knees just got weak for a second) about templates and links and the such, holla at cha girl on the IM or gmail.

I know I'm a lot of woman....

but not enough to divide the pie....



I'm trying to manifest my thoughts and it's just not coming together. I'm feeling like a jumble of emotions, like I'm in a situation that should have never occurred, but that I can't get out of easily. I'm a victim of circumstances. Caught up in a place where I can't tell myself how to feel and I'm almost afraid to do what feels right because from the outside it looks so wrong.

I thought it would be easy to cut E off. I won't lie. Not here, in my own blog.

Shit, they say start at the beginning, so that's what I will try to do.

Me and E have been talking for a little under a year. It started out as a strictly friendship thing, mainly because we didn't know each other that well and he was in a situation that had him emotionally tied up. As time went on and we grew closer, we realized that there was this real connection there. However, I don't know if I realized it before him or if it just took him a little longer to get out of his situation then he expected but I found myself reacting to him in ways I would only react to someone I was in a real relationship with (Jealousy, not wanting to hear about him with any girls - past or present, getting excited when he called). At first it scared me a bit because he lives so far away and I didn't want to be attached to someone who is hundreds of miles away. But then he revealed that he was feeling the same and I thought maybe, just maybe we could have something. But in my efforts of trying to figure out a way to work something out, it appeared that he was still attached to the other chick. So, me being me, I said "fuck it." There's no way I'm putting myself out there on some shit as risky as a long-distance relationship and there's a possibility that this other chick that he has MADD history with can pop up, say "I love you, need you and want only you in my life" and he would leave me. No way. Won't happen. Close the gates before the car rounds the corner because ain't nobody gettin in this bitch.

I started pulling away. He noticed. We discussed it and after he assured me that the other chick was no longer a factor, we attempted to regain our closeness. However, it may have been too late. Slim was in the picture and my pride and feelings were already a bit hurt.

So I attempted to put our relationship on the slim-fast diet from "going somewhere special" to "strictly platonic friends". All without telling E. Bad move. Didn't work and I ended up confusing both of us as our roles reversed. Suddenly, he was the one with all the feelings and I was the one who was caught up in this "other thing". (Although my other thing isn't nearly as deep as his. But that's neither here nor there.)

So with all the confusion, I sat down last night and decided to text E and ask him what we are really trying to do, where we are headed and what he wants.

His answer?
I want you.


In what way?
Can you be my b-a-b-y? (which is such a me and him thing to say.)
I don't know...I want us to be close but...
Just answer when you are ready.
I'll try...let me ask you a question....Do you think it's possible for us to be close as friends and not get jealous?
Hasn't worked so far....
True...is that just me?
No, we both get jealous. (damn Ariens.)

So what do I do? I mean, I've made up my mind that Slim presents too good of an opportunity to let slip away while he's right in front of me. But at the same time, I can't just throw E away like that. He's too good of a guy for me to tie him up and try to prevent him from doing his thing and that would be incredibly selfish of me to even try that while I'm all booed up with Slim.

What am I supposed to do when I want you in my world? But how can I want you for myself when I'm already someone's girl....?

Is this a case of "see ya next lifetime" (although not quite that dramatic)?

I guess I can say this:


You need to know that I've got somebody now.


You're BEAUTIFUL........


But..........



this ain't that type of party.

Randomness

First off, thank you so much for all the birthday wishes!

Secondly, no I have not been in an inebriated stupor for the past 4 days, I went out of town to a conference.

I'm in a shitty mood where I don't feel like doing anything but listening to my Baduizm, laying on my bed with the window open, curling in the fetal position and taking my ass to sleep.

No, I'm not even in the mood to blog but it's no longer my birthday and I felt like that entry should be moved down a bit.

I just choked on a piece of ice. That should say something about how my day has been going.

So may I share some random thoughts? Why, thank you.

- Don't call me just to talk about yourself.
There is nothing more that I hate than people who call my gawddamn phone, using up MY damn minutes to yak about they damn selves. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not some self-centered bitch (not ALL the time, anyway) and I can be a good listener, but don't call me up on some regular old "let me tell you about my day" shit and not even give my ass a chance to say uh huh" or "then what happened?" I mean, muthafukkas call me and get diarrhea of the mouth. But that's alright, see, cuz all I do is go silent on ya'll asses. I mean, deathly silent. I may even press the mute button, just to see how long it takes yo ass to realize that I don't give a shit about you going to Denny's and ordering the GRAND SLAM. Unless that shit has a finger in it or yo eggs came back green, spare me the boring shit. Damn. So if you ever called me and I went HELLA silent on that ass, whoomp dere it is - you were boring the shit outta me.

- You really see who cares about you on your birthday.
For real. You really see who cares enough to remember the day you were brought into the world and even if they are a day or two late, who cares enough to be apologetic when they realize they forgot (or it wasn't the day they thought it was).

- Driving drunk is terrible.
And I did it twice this weekend.

- I really, really love my high school peeps.
My hawk homie can feel me on this one. I don't know what it is about us folk that once rocked the shit outta some black and gold, but almost every time I see somebody from my high school it's a good experience. Smiles all around, no matter how well we knew each other. That's some cool shit man...especially regarding how big the school's enrollment was when I got outta there. 2800 strong, and that's just in 2003.

- 20 isn't so old....yet
Give me a couple of weeks in this 20 year old skin and I'll be able to elaborate on this one.

- Slim is in.
The feelings for him are real. How do I know? While shopping for myself (and racking up, I might add....), I ventured over to the men's side of Express and bought his ass a shirt. And.....I can't wait to see him in it. Next stop: coupleville. Ugh, I'm gonna be a couple again....and I'm not hating the thought one bit.


Real update tomorrow, I promise...I gotta let ya'll know why my boycott of Denny's is alive and kickin'.

Til then....

Go Aries.....

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!

That's right. The kid is no longer a teenager. *sniff sniff* I's OLD NOW...

Leave me good shit in the comments so that I feel loved and all that goodness.....

Oh, yeah, as Gian pointed out, I'm the big 2-0. No more "teens" for me...

Knocked Me Out Then Had Me Dreaming 'Bout Waking Up.....

Ever had some so good...


- you looked at your sheets and smiled?

- you stretched your entire body in preparation?

- after it was done your lungs felt clearer and you could actually breathe better?

- you woke up only to find yourself craving more?

- you told your friends about it?

- that even though it happened in a forbidden place, you didn't feel an ounce of guilt?

- people said you were glowing afterwards?

- you left the bed unmade so that you could think about it when you got home?

- when you were in a meeting the next day you reminisced to yourself?

- it made a 12 hour day seem like it flew by?




I have.










And it was the best sleep of my life.



Damn, I'm tired.

Free Yo Mind

Since tis a beautiful day outside, I feel in a sharing mood. Here are two freewrites that I did yesterday....Just getting some thoughts out....



(After a read or two, I realized this could be read as an ode to my youth which is quickly passing me by. I'll be the big 2-0 in two more days!! However, it is not. Make of it what you will...)

If heaven was a mile away
I would probably get lost on the way there
Would take a wrong turn
or two or three
making lefts
that shoulda be right
and although
they say three lefts
end up right anyway
I'd still be lost
because by then
the sun would have gone down
and I would have to squint to see
the signs
and even if
I pulled over
to fill up and God
told me which way to go
and that my destination was only a mile down the road
I'd probably
get too cocky
gun the gas
and hit 100 on the way there
passing heaven by
while singing along to Tupac
and wondering
why a mile seems so far


__________________________


(Lite Skinned Girls Cry Too?)

(I read a theory in a book
stating that perhaps
those with lesser amounts of melanin
and skin comparable to the sun
feel the need to be militant
to "prove" their blackness
and I wondered if they have anything to prove
but then)

I heard that 2 days ago
in the year 2005
there was a party at a club
where lite-skinned girls
got in free
and I wondered if those who werent
lite
were being punished
I wondered if those whose skin
shined like ocean water at night
were pushed to the back
and told to wait
while the lite skinned girls passed them by
with heels just a tad bit taller
placing them just a little bit above
and I wondered if
lighter
equaled
prettier
and if that was true
what did dark equal?
because I'm dark
I wondered how much dark girls had to pay
to get in
and how many
if any
turned away in disgust
I wondered
if after a night
of watching men
fawn over lite girls
who were the pick of the night,
the guests of honor
how many dark girls
walked outside
and didn't get to see the full moon
but could tell you every crevice in the sidewalk
on the way to the car
minds cluttered
as they went home
with lighter wallets
and heavier hearts

Come on now Shell, you know you couldn't tell me that and have me not write somethin' about it! Craziness...


Chea, son, so dere dey are - two freewrites. Don't consider dem poems, cuz dat be not what these are. See...?:


Blog Entry #7485
April 4, 2005
I once read a theory in a book stating that perhaps those with lesser amounts of melanin and skin comparable to the sun feel the need to be militant to "prove" their blackness. And I wonder if they really have anything to prove.

But then I heard that 2 days ago, in the year 2005, there was a party at a club where lite-skinned girls got in free. And I wonder if those who werent lite were being punished. I wonder if those whose skin shined like ocean water at night were pushed to the back and told to wait while the lite skinned girls passed them by with heels just a tad bit taller placing them just a little bit above. I wonder if lighter equals prettier and if that is true what does dark equal?

Because I'm dark.

I wonder how much dark girls had to pay to get in and how many, if any, turned away in disgust.

I wonder if after a night of watching men fawn over lite girls who were the pick of the night, "the guests of honor", how many dark girls walked outside and didn't get to see the full moon but could tell you every crevice in the sidewalk on the way to the car as they went home with their minds cluttered, with lighter wallets and heavier hearts.


Ok, so maybe it doesn't work as well in strictly prose form, but that shits is not a poem. 'Member dat!


Peace from somewhere west of the east.


*EDIT: If Blogger fucks wit my spacing ONE mo' time....Imma start a riot in this bitch!!*

Betta Late Than Never....

Cue my music, DJ!!

*"Bad Boy For Life" by P.Diddy and crew starts to play*

*Aries grabs the mic and clears her throat*

"I ain't goin nowhere! I ain't - goin nowhere! I can't be stopped, cuz I'm a blogger fo' life!!!"

*Strikes B-Girl pose, with mic in hand and red Adidas suit fresh out the sto'*

The previous post in which I proclaimed I was retiring was an April Fool's joke. Ya'll know I couldn't let that day pass without gettin one in! I appreciate all the love though. And Ms. Tee, I especially thought you would have called my ass out with the way you faked out some peeps on your blog!

Love ya'll!

Check the previous post for some delicious recipes and other good shit.

18943 Ways to Make Noodles

You may have noticed that I haven't been blogging as much lately.

I've recently realized some things have been getting neglected in my life. There are some things, some people that I need to put more time and effort into rather than sitting here writing about it.

Tomorrow I will post the first entry in my three part series of goodbye to the blogging world.

Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't....I have to see how things work out and whether or not I've neglected things so much that they can't be repaired...

But until tomorrow, here is an entry from my reserves.....


Things I didnt appreciate until I got to college

Water Pressure
Oh man, oh man. Remember when you were a kid and it was summertime? Remember how you didn't own a sprinkler so you improvised by playing with the hose and pushing your thumb over the spout? Remember how somebody always grabbed the hose and folded it so your waterfall of wet fun drizzled off into a sad trickle? That's what my college showers feel like. Forget a morning with the water pelting your back and feeling like little delicious drops of warm awakening. Those days are long gone. Say hello to crowding up under the showerhead and contorting your body so that you get as many drops of water as possible to make blessed contact with your body. I used to be all hunched up in the shower, looking like Quasimodo just so my ass wouldn't be cold while the front got all the water. Fun times I tell ya....

Hot Water
Ah this shit goes right along with the water pressure. Not only is the water minimal, but when you get some, it's like 4 degrees above lukewarm. It may just be that I like my shower water scorching hot though. I'm talking about that kind of hot that makes you jump back and when it hits your skin, it "itches" for a second. I'm talking about water so hot that if you stay in for 10 minutes, the entire bathroom is steamed up and the air is so damn hot it's hard to breathe. What ya'll know 'bout water being that hot? I thought so...but I digress.

I must admit that this year is an improvement over freshman year when I had to deal with community bathrooms (a creation STRAIGHT from Satan's laboratory). I would go into the bathroom, all bundled up in my big cozy bathrobe, little caddy in hand, reach in and turn the water on to let it warm up...only to jump in 3 minutes later and find that it's still cold! Eve watched water jump off on a hot ass skillet? That's exactly how fast I would leap outta there, wrap back up and wait another 4 minutes or so for the water to get to a bearable temperature.

Home Cooked Meals
Yeah, Negroes laugh and joke about missing mama's cooking and how college students eat Ramen noodles, but that shit is REAL!! Times is hard in college, people!

My young eyes have witnessed shit nobody should have to see in their lifetime, all due to the depleted mental state that hunger leaves people in.

I've seen folks try to make 4 course entrees outta Ramen noodles. I'm talking cheese, hot sauce, cut up chicken, beef and various other meats all throw up in there! Ridiculous....

I've witnessed people try to survive two weeks on nothing but ice chips and kool-aid. Shivering and shaking like a fiend...*shm* That was just sad....

I've seen two people try to share a Lunchable. Wait, I don't think ya'll know how serious that is...Think about it....Lunchables..... the little meals that come in the plastic trays, complete with Capri Sun juice and about 7 crackers and 2 slices of cheese! Now imagine two big ass Negroes (I'm talking over 6 ft, each at least 180) trying to divvy up a Lunchable. Not a pretty sight.

As for me, times have never been that hard. But one gets to a point where the food on campus just doesn't cut it. I mean, I'm assuming that they try to make the food as edible as possible, but they just must face the fact that the majority of the time they fail miserably. So miserably, in fact, that last time I went home, I put in a request for some spaghetti 2 weeks ahead of time. Who in da hell looks forward to spaghetti besides Italian folks? It's that bad ya'll...


Free Laundry
Take a second and think about all the laundry you did in the past 3 weeks. Now, divide all your loads in halves and count the number of loads you have washed. Now imagine paying $1.25 for each damn load. Quarters were like pieces of gold freshman year. We used to hoard them like squirrels do with nuts. Paying for laundry was a bitch.

And I swear to you, they make the washing machine's all EXTRA small so you can only get 3 pairs of jeans, a hoodie and 2 pairs of undies in there before the shit is at capacity. Just robbing us po' college folk!

I'll never forget this one event though. One of my homeboys did an entire load of laundry with powder detergent. When he opened the washer all he saw was white powder all over his clothes. In his first attempt at doing his own laundry, he put the detergent on top of his clothes. Not a big problem if you're at home, right? Just run the shit through again and everything is straight. Not in college. That shit'll cost you 5 quarters and an entire extra load that could have been washed.

So what did he decided to do with his extra detergenty clothes?

He looked at them for a second or two. Then he started pulling them out, one by one and beating the powder off of them. Finally, I watched in awe as he walked over to the sink, rinsed them off and then threw them in the dryer, which was free. LMAO.


Clean Water
The h2O supply up here runs neck to neck with Mexico's reserve, I'm sure of it. It's like I can smell each and every nutrient, vitamin and particles of non-water substance that may be in it. It stinks, for real ya'll. That's why almost all the people up here with at least drop of melanin refuse to drink it. Shit, I used to go out to restaurants and order delicious lemonades, juices and liquor (when I could get away with it), but now? As soon as I leave the 'Ville, "let me have a glass of water, please." Never before did I appreciate some "high quality h2O" (MAJOR props to you if you get that movie reference. It means you're a goofy ass like me!)

Maternal Alarm Clocks
Back at home, if my ass was about to be late for something, I awoke to the sound of my mother's screams and her fists banging on my bedroom door. That shit used to irritate the HELL outta me, especially when I "wasn't....really...sleep...just...resting...for...a....few...more........minutes..."

But now?

What I wouldn't give to have that annoyingness back in my life.

See, I'm the type of hardheaded mudda sucka that lives by the creed, "If I don't wanna, I ain't gotta" (Shaddup, nobody said that taglines had to be grammatically correct!) So that means if I have an 8am class that I don't wanna go to....I ain't gotta. If I look outside and it appears that I can sense inclement weather that may or may not really be there and I decide to stay in bed, I can. Unfortunately for me, I have appeared to discover my "lazy" bone. I will think of any reason not to go to class when I don't feel like it. Sun too bright? Skip class. It's my half birthday? No reason to go out today. Snow look a little too cold? Better not chance it.

See? Just silly ass reasons not to go to class. But if I was home, besta believe mama wouldn't play that.

Feel free to share ya'll broke down stories wit me.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY E. BENTLEY...OOPS...E.DIDDY!