Hoes, Pimps and Pros

So, you all have seen the itinerary, let me tell you how it went down.

The Sex Store -
Last summer, when me and my "best" friends would get bored, we would head right to a novelty sex shop. That shit will entertain (and inform) you for at least 2 hours. So yesterday, when me and some of the girls from my school went to the store, I felt like old times. We were up in there acting a STRAIGHT fool. Messin' with everything. All in the name of love for our friend. The birthday girl is the type who embarasses VERY easily, so we decided to get her some gag gifts. This is what we settled on:

A Kuma Sutra Book
Just because everyone needs a little variety in the bedroom and sometimes the imagination just quits. That's when you mentally refer back to page 69 (yeah, that was WAY too easy, but so what?) and flip dat shit on his ass.

Some Dick Mints
Hey, you can't be getting any if your breath is tart enough to cure milk, right? What better shape to pop? lol

A Shot Glass
Of course it was shaped like a lil bitty ding-a-ling, come on now, follow the pattern....

A Pillow
I saw this and JUST had to get it. It's black, furry, soft as hell, about 10 inches long and of course shaped like a.....? Good job, I knew that you would catch on! The balls on that piece are humongous!

A "Special" Button
Around a black button, there is very festive writing and decorations and it says - "Make My Day, Press Me!" Before we gave her any of the gifts, I walked up to her and pinned it on. Then, she had someone press it. Out pours these loud ass orgasmic moans and sighs. It's very sensual and what's so funny about it is the fact that it doesn't stop for like a full minute. It's so long and embarassing..I love it.

Now, you all are probably thinking - What the fukk kinda freaky ass birthday party is this shit? Stop all that right there. Before you go off thinking that we are some "all-out Adina Howard, freak all day-errry day" girls, let me tell you that my girl had some strippers coming up here for her birthday, so we were just following the theme.


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The strippers were scheduled to go on at 8. I don't think they came out until about 8:30. By that time, there was a room full of about 15 females that were all ready to see some freaky shit.

First out was Quiet Storm. This brotha was bangin'. About 6'3", thick as all get out, and perfectly manicured locs that stopped right before his shoulders. Perfection manifested. (Ok, of course that is an exaggeration, but live in the fantasy for a moment. ) He worked the HELL outta us, and as he was dancing and looking me deep in the eyes, I smiled. He smiled back and that negro had the nerve to have a dimple! Oooh it was over! If homeboy didn't go around bouncin is booty for a living, he mighta be hubby material.

The "main attraction" was a brotha by the name of Total Passion. I wasn't too enamored with him. But he is a talented brotha. Any human who can move their tongue that damn fast deserves a fuckin medal and a bronze bust made of their tongue.

Then both of their asses came back out and finished the show. Those brothas worked for every dollar! It was all good fun. Some girls felt a little uncomfortable because some shit happened that they promised their significant others' wouldn't happen. But hey, we were living by the Brian McKnight creed last night - "What we do stays here." Get ya minds out the gutta, it wasn't no supa freaky shit goin' on. Just what I presume to be regular private stripper happenings. But those with handcuffs on and under arrest by monagomy felt the need to reassure the
ir other halves that it meant nothin. Silly, if you ask me. Strippers are strippers. Pure entertainment.

EDIT: After finding out about some shit that went on at the party, I feel compelled to speak on this shit. So as not to put anyone out, I will make this a "Don't Do" list.

Things NOT TO DO with a stripper.:

1. Under no circumstance are you to kiss him. Especially, let me say it again, especially after you have just seen his face implanted between the legs of EVERY girl in the room.
2. Do NOT give that Negro your number. Strippers are strippers, I cannot reinterate that enough. They are entertainment, not fuckable specimen. You think they don't get free sex thrown at them after almost every performance? Come on now...!
3. Do NOT jack them off. WTF? That is all.
4. Do NOT brag out loud that you would even fuck the tip man (the little negro who ran around pickin dollars up off the floor), the strippers WILL hear you and I'm pretty sure they will discuss the possibility of a Midnight Train running directly through your station.

That's enough and I think I got the main offenders. Now, you may or may not agree with the above guidelines, but take a good look at the name on the bottom of the post. I run this shit! LOL

Back to your regulary scheduled programming....

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Slim spent the last two nights over here. For those inquiring about my abstinence and sleepovers and how well the two mix (or don't), I will likely be posting about that 2morrow or later today.

_______________________

And as for the title of this post, it really doesn't have anything to do with anything. It's just something I say when my friends call my phone. So don't be reading any "deep" meaning into it.

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Oh, and if you tried to IM me last night....my badz. My AIM is on that GOOD crack/heroin/something to fuck it up.....I'll be putting it through detox soon.

This is the life

My Day:

11:00 am - Wake up

11:45 am - Make a trip to the sex store to get some gag gifts for my friend's birthday.

3:30 pm - Return from sex store and shopping.

4:00 pm - Pick out clothes.

5:00 pm - Start getting ready to leave.

6:00 pm - Leave house, funky-fresh, dressed to impress and ready to party.

6:30 pm - Arrive at my girl's house, talk shit and eat.

7:00 pm - Watch my girl open her gifts and laugh when she gets embarassed by the gifts.

7:30 pm - Stripper arrives.

8:00 pm - SHOWTIME!

9:45 pm - Stripper concludes performance.

10:00 pm - Girls sit around and talk shit, reflect on the show and play some cards.

11:30 pm - Head to the club.

1:30 am - Leave the club and go home.

1:30am - ? - Spend the night with Slim.

Ahhh...I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

I Always Get What I Want (When I Know What That Is...) part two

Cue my soap opera music, Gian!

*smoke curls across the screen and the faces of Aries and Slim slowly come into focus...*

Today on "Analog Girl in a Digital World":

...So, as we lay there, his arms around my shoulders and my head in his "nook" (as Carrie from Sex and City calls it), we quickly realize that neither of us are watching the movie and that we should turn it off. We click off the movie and snuggle up under the covers. We start off on opposite sides of my SUPER DELUXE bed, but eventually I find my way over to him and he wraps his arm around me. We lay like that for a minute and talk. Then he said something fairly interesting and I gave him a deep stare over my shoulders. His eyes met mine for a second and then he quickly looked towards the ceiling and said "Don't be shootin' them sexy looks at me, girl..." So ya'll know I had to do it again. This time his gaze held mine and the next thing you know our lips were meeting. Ya'll know those movies kisses where two people look at one another, run across the room and suddenly they are all over each other, skirts are half up and shirt buttons are bouncin' across the floor?

Yeah...it wasn't like that.

It was a real deep, slow kiss. Like the handshake of a person you meet for the first time, but you're attracted to them and so you grip their hand firmly and hold it just a second too long? Now imagine that being a kiss....there it is.

It was nice. Passionate, but not reckless.

After a while, I felt the need to break the mood a little bit. Things were getting intense and it felt too right. (Or maybe I've just been out of service for too long). But naw, for real, I felt really good with him, comfortable, and everything was just flowing. A MAJOR plus because I hate for things to feel forced...So anyways, I get my ass up and go to the bathroom to change out of my drawstring pants because I HATE to sleep with pants on unless it is extremely cold. Now, ya'll know I couldn't find no regular shorts. I had to go get the cutest pair in my arsenal and slip into those. The ones that hit JUST below the booty, so when I walk, he can get a slight peek. Not ho-ish, just seductively cute. So I climb back in the bed and from then on he can't keep his hands to himself. I can't make it sound like it was all his fault, my hands were a-roaming too. With each and every kiss, the passion mounted and I could feel all those months of celibacy/abstinence (there's your answer, Diggs) rushing right between my thighs. Gotdammit. I finally break away from his lips, turn my back on him and tell him to try to sleep. Ya'll know he wasn't hearing that. He took one look at my back and my exposed shoulders and got to kissing. As soon as he dropped a kiss on the back of my neck, I swear I felt Niagra Falls coursing through my body. A heavy make-out session followed, but still he got no goodies. So for those of you waiting for the triple-X details (Star), sorry to disappoint. Gimme a little while and then I'll see if I can stir up some Gian-like worthy blog sex.

Here is one of my entries from right after he left:

(Notice I said ONE of my entries. Don't even try to guess how many I've written on him, I'm sure I'll divulge later.)

It was on my mind from the time he walked into my room. It was already determined that he would spend the night, and I let him know that we would be SLEEPING. From the time we laid down and he put his arm around me, it had already raced through my head hundreds of times. Ask him, ask him, my mind bugged me. Finally, after an especially long kiss, I looked him in the eyes and blurted it out - "What are you looking for?" He didn't play dumb and do the "What do you mean?" thing I expected him to do. His answer was honest (I think) and earned him points. He said he was looking for someone to be with, a girlfriend... You know what, I can't even remember the exact words, but his answer satisfied me. He basically let me know that he wasn't looking for a fuck-buddy (one thing I will NEVER be) and searching for that person who will be there with him that he can depend on. He told me the reason I figured he was all about sex (which I didn't but he thought I did because I kept reinterating how there was to be no sex of any kind in my room that night) is because we were laying right next to each other and he finds me to be sexually stimulating and it seemed like our hands couldn't stay to themselves. (which was true so I let him slide....Off the hook, not inside of me, you freaks!! lol..).

The next day, after we had been off the phone for about an hour, he sent me a text that said - "you asked me. but what are you looking for?" I quickly hit the "reply" button and poised my thumb over the keypad to type out a (shortened) list of things of what it is exactly I am looking for. 10 seconds later, I was still staring at an empty screen. I'll be damned. I'm not sure I know.

I love to be in love. I love relationships and being "someone's". But, now every time I think of relationships, I think of posession and a short happy period followed by a longer period of generally unhappiness. I'm not sure I want a boyfriend. I know I can't have a fuck buddy or a "friend with benefits" because I'm far too selfish and too inclined to get emotionally attached for that. So what in the HELL do I really want? Sometimes being single gets so lonely, but for the most part I enjoy it. And I think that's just the general "freedom" idea because I was mentally and emotionally bound for so long by someone who stifled my growth as a person.

I can ask the questions, but I'm not sure if I have the answers.

What in the hell do I want? I know I'll try my hand at a real relationship one day, but when? Is it too soon after my heartbreak to give it another go? Or has it been long enough? Will I ever truly know that I am ready to try to love again? Will I ever be able to open myself up to someone enough to even allow the possibility of love creepin' in? I'll be damned if I'm not confused. I would say I'll just go with the flow and see what happens, but I've done that before and it ends with me detaching myself emotionally and adding another name to my list of plain-old "guy-friends." I've let you in, analyze me. It's obvious that I don't know what I want, so maybe one of you all can play Dr Phil and expose my inner longing...

Sorry this sucka is SO long...it be's that way today.

Slim (Part I)

These are a series of entries that I've been contemplating on whether or not to put up. I finally put some together and decided to post 'em. I can't remember who asked me in my little Q&A session about Valentines' and recieved my answer that I have a couple, but I can say for sure that one who reads my blog may not be too happy about what follows. So I considered not posting this, but then again, it's my blog and I refuse to censor myself. I had to do that too much on my other blog. Not again. So if you are offended by the following, just remember whose page this is and that the little "x" in the top right hand corner will get yo ass outta here quick, fast and in a hurry.


Thursday 2/17-

Tonight we went bowling. It was a special promotional night in which they gave away certain cash prizes if you knocked over the special "colored" pins when they called your lane. I won a WHOLE quarter! LMAO...we had fun though! Somewhere in between my strong-as-hell Long Island Iced Tea and my cutie from Philly calling me, I felt some tension work its way down my spine, around into my stomach and straight between my legs. Frustrated, I told my friend I was going to call it a night and take my ass home to read my Bible. (Seem contradictory to have ass and Bible in the same sentence? Deal wit' it.) However, I wasn't really quite ready to call it a night and figured I might as well go work out some tension on the dance floor.

We make our way to the usual spot, which has only been poppin for about 3 months. But with the recent strings of MIPS (Minors in Posession of alcohol) they've been hit with, their dance floor was especially empty. So we head right across the street to the old spot, which was once again jumping. I had a ball in there, dancing to every freakin song that came on and throwin my St Louis "L" in the air whenever Nelly graced the speakers (and believe me, it was a LOT). Somewhere in the process of me doing the "Kansas City Shake" and stepping with my boy, I notice this cutie from another college on the dance floor. (I was on the stage). I've seen him before, even held short conversations with him, but tonight he was looking especially cute. So I play all the games. Look up and catch his eye and then look away only to look back and find out he's still staring. Grab one of my guy friends and gyrate on him while looking the cutie directly in his eyes. You know, all the usual college games. All the while, I'm thinking to myself he is looking really good tonight. I tell my friend that I think he is cute and then go about my business.

Afterwards, when we are walking away from the club, I hear this guy yell out "hey girl in the red!" Now,if this was STL, or any other CITY, there is no way in HELL I would have turned around, but this is the 'Ville and I knew exactly why they were calling me. Turns out it was his boy, who does the whole agent-like, middle-man "my boy wants to holla at chu, but he's kinda shy" shit, which I HATE, but for some reason let slide tonight. His boy then saunders up, introduces himself, apologizes and gets on his boy for putting him on "front street" then proceeds to spit his lil game. Nothin fancy. I tell him to walk me to the car, give him the cell number and tell him to be easy.

Friday, 2/18-

He shoots me a little text that says, "Hey it's (we will call him) Slim, the guy you met at Molly's. I wanted to call you tonight, but I got practice until 12, but let me know if you will be up and I'll call you." Hmmm...considerate, unassuming...check and check. It just so happened that I was working that night and didn't get off until 4, so I told him to give me a call when he got out. He called at exactly 12:06 and we talked basically my entire shift until my battery ran out at about 3 am. The next day, he lets me know that he wants to come see me but would it be alright if he "slept over"? We had already discussed the night before how often he comes up here and I had informed him that I have an extra bed, but I had pushed it next to mine to make one giant bed. He told me he would have to push them apart. I shoot him a text that says "yeah, you can SLEEP over here. That's all." He agrees and says he'll see me soon. He gets in town about 11 pm to party and asks me to come to the club with him. I'm not really in the club mood, so I tell him to just come back to my spot when he is done. He shows up about 1:20 and we sit around and talk for a while. He sits at my laptop and starts picking out music. He clicks on India Arie's "Good Man" and sings EVERY WORD. Say word?!? His stock shot up 3% on that ALONE. If you haven't heard that song, at least google the lyrics so you can know why it was so shocking to me. It's not your average nigga song. Hell, almost nobody I know has even heard it, much less knows all the words. His taste in music proved to be decent and his conversation just as funny in person as over the phone. He's a natural shit-talker like me so a lot of our conversation centered on talking smack about each other's schools and getting to know each other in between. As we kept talking, my contacts started to bother me, so I slipped into the bathroom and took both of them out. Now, you all don't know, I DON'T DO THAT. Even around people I know, I keep at least ONE contact in at all times. I am blind as hell (to me) without my contacts and I never wear my glasses (although they are cute and complement my face). So here I am with Slim, who I barely know (but feel like I've known for a while), blind as hell to anything that's not 3 feet in front of my face and feeling perfectly at ease. A situation and a feeling that is not familiar to me.

Eventually, we realized that it was about that time to get some sleep. We ended up not pushing my beds apart and slipped under the covers with Man On Fire playing on my laptop. (Don't ask, yes I have a TV, but that's not the point.) As the first couple of scenes unfold we had both propped our heads up on the pillows and were pretending to be paying attention to the movie. In reality, we were sneaking peeks at each other the whole time. It was cute. After about 10 minutes, he starts rubbin' my shoulder, complimenting me for having "soft as hell skin" and does some over exaggerated move, ending with his arm around my shoulders. I look to see if he was for real and he makes this goofy as hell face, eyes all wide and innocent and lips pursed like, "who me?" Real cute. I laugh at his goofiness and settle into his loose embrace.


Alright, this will be a two part-er I see. I should be studying, because I have a test at 8 am tomorrow. But I decided to blog in order to funnel some energy and help me concentrate. Stay tuned tomorrow to find out what happens after I get comfortable in his arms and we bury ourselves deeper under the covers....*cue wack ass blog exit music*

I's Married Now!! (Or someday, at least...)

As "T-Shirt and Panties" plays in the background...

Yesterday on Analog Girl in a Digital World (btw,if you clicked that, you're drove, you're already here!): Since I had to go back and listen to Adore in order to tell Diggs what part ol' boy messed up on, I decided to respond to everyone else's comments first, then come back. Well, by that time, I had already completed a short novel worth of response. So I decided to blog on Diggs comment to number 37 on my 100 truths and no lies list.

As I've mentioned, I'm a romantic at heart. When I do love, it is all-consuming. I am one of those muthafuckas folks hate to see in love because I radiate. I smile every time he's mentioned and the mere whisper of his name may incite butterflies in my stomach. When I think of the way he touches me, I get shivers up my spine. My lips ache from kissing him all night. I silently touch my thighs under restaurant tables while out with the girls and remember how passionate last night was. I limit my show-stopping performances on dance floors in order to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I don't change my whole life or no shit like that. I'm actually not clingy at all, but when I have a man I like to be with him. And I like to please him. (So long as he realizes that I need ALL the same shit right back. Say it with me: r-e-c-i-p-r-o-c-i-t-y.)

With that said, if my husband was bringing home enough cheddar to keep me living the life I've become accustomed to, and children are in the plan or God has already blessed us with some, I could picture myself being a houswife/stay-at-home mom. Of course, from my skewed, not-yet-two-decades old viewpoint, being a housewife to me entails:

1. Getting to shop in the middle of the day when malls are least busy.
2. Going to the gym at least 5 days a week in order to keep everything tight.
3. Learning how to cook amazing meals for my husband and having them ready when he gets home. Family meals, or getting to sit and watch him enjoy the food. I truly believe cooking is love.
4. The ability to greet him at the door in sexy lingerie and various other stimulating shit. B.K (before kids), of course. A.K., the meeting will have to be in the bedroom.
5. Getting to have beautiful children and be incredibly involved in raising them. PTA meetings, help with homework, dance lessons, football practice - all that TV shit.
6. Getting to work in my community and perhaps deal with battered women. (Which is a goal of mine.)


Sounds like an idealized dream doesn't it? Yeah, I know. Hence my quest to find a college football player with MADD potential who will sign a HUGE contract, get a serious (but non-life threatening) injury in his second year and be able to live off his first year earnings for the rest of our lives. Maybe with him doing some speaking events here and there. Please don't kill my dream...the world will do it in time.

@ Diggs: old boy from the Spike Lee joint? His brother, Calvin, spoke at my university today. He's actually quite a good speaker.

What Goes Around....

For lack of a real topic and since everyone is doing their 100 lists and shit...this is mine from way back when (Dec 12).

100 Truths and No Lies


1. I was born in Cleveland, Ohio.
2. I was my parents' first child, they were 29.
3. I've been part of a kidnapping attempt.
4. When I was 9, I almost got kicked out of the after-school program because I did an expose stating that YMCA stood for Yellow Moldy Cheese Again.
5. I was the tallest kid in my class until 4th grade.
6. I'm 5'4" on a good day.
7. I don't fall in love easily.
8. I love hard.
9. I'm allergic to cats and dogs. (and grass, hay, dust, pollen...etc)
10. I've been arrested. Only once.
11. I don't eat pork.
12. My favorite fruit is pineapple.
13. My major is English.
14. I've haven't been out of the United States since I was two. (and then it was only to Canada)
15. I think Prince's "Adore" is the greatest love song ever.
16. I don't like to talk on the phone to people in the same city as me.
17. I don't have any grandparents left.
18. I loves shoes. Perhaps a little TOO much.
19. A good pen makes me feel smart and creative.
20. Sometimes, if I'm having an off day, I dress up to make myself feel better.
21. When I'm home, I hug my daddy everyday. I'm a daddy's girl.
22. I LOVE Black Men.
23. I like to make up slang words.
24. I learn words to songs very quickly.
25. I am addicted to candy. Fruity candy, specifically.
26. I would rather read a good book than watch a movie.
27. I keep things to myself.
28. It scares me to think that someone might one day know me completely.
29. I have natural hair.
30. I use fabric softners to scent my room.
31. I think kissing is an extremely intimate act.
32. I love kids.
33. I've been engaged.
34. I have trouble remembering the names of people I haven't seen in a while.
35. I love to smell good. I'm actually a tad obsessed about it.
36. I think I was born in the wrong era.
37. I could be quite content as a housewife.
38. I'm a punk.
39. I've never said "I love you" to a SO first.
40. I can count my number of "friends" on one hand.
41. I've never been on a boat.
42. I'm afraid of deep water.
43. I HATE guns.
44. Bugs scare me too.
45. I'm an underachiever.
46. I've never experienced stage fright.
47. I completed an entire book of poetry by the time I was 13.
48. My mother thinks I should sell my soul to work for Hallmark.
49. I don't eat seafood or fish.
50. I love football.
51. I NEVER study.
52. I didn't even study for my ACT. (Midwest Standardized Testing for you coastal folks)
53. It takes a whole hell of a lot for me to consider someone a friend.
54. I adore the Boondocks comic strip.
55. I hate to take medication.
56. I am extremely anemic.
57. I cry when I listen to Donny Hathaway.
58. I live vicariously through the TV show Girlfriends.
59. I pray to make a living out of writing.
60. I love to shop.
61. I hate to work.
62. I eat chicken EVERYDAY.
63. I sometimes lie just to see if people will believe me.
64. I admire people who are quietly intellectual.
65. I write best when I am in pain.
66. I have never tried cigarettes. I have puffed on a Black N Mild while drunk.
67. Angelina Jolie is my favorite actress.
68. I have never broken a bone.
69. I can switch my speech on a moment's notice. Drastically.
70. I abhore math.
71. I am an excellent secret-keeper.
72. I love to recieve mail.
73. I procrastinate terribly.
74. I talk to myself. Quite a bit.
75. Sometimes I sing myself to sleep.
76. I am on a constant quest for knowledge.
77. I can't spell out loud.
78. I do almost everything left-handed except for write.
79. Sometimes, when I get a lot of large bills and they are wrinkled, I iron them.
80. I have broken every pair of sunglasses I've ever owned.
81. I believe sex is a drug.
82. It's hard for me to accept compliments at face value.
83. I'm sometimes mean to people that are close to me.
84. I'm easily annoyed.
85. I think every female should know how to walk in heels by the time they are 15.
86. The only makeup I wear regularly is mascara.
87. My printed handwriting looks like script.
88. I love football.
89. I'm extremely kind to people I can relate to, no matter how well I know them.
90. I judge people by how they dress. (Not what they wear, but how they wear it)
91. I don't believe in soulmates.
92. But I am a romantic.
93. I am my own worst critic. Seriously.
94. I like to be underestimated.
95. If I don't make fun of you, I don't like you.
96. I bite the inside of my mouth.
97. I love air kisses.
98. I abhore people who take credit for others' work.
99. I don't like chest hair on men.
100. I am a firm believer in myself.

****EDITED TO ADD*******

101. For Gian, who just had to catch the fact that I had a repeat on there. ummm....I've been playing guitar off and on for 4 years. There, Mr. Observative!

Here is a bonus:
102. I refer to Oprah as my auntie. My mother even calls her that. One day we will meet and she will take me in and make me the sole heir of her TV fortune...I just know it.

MegaMix

(that title sounds like this entry will really be about something, doesn't it? Eh eh....it won't. Read on....)

What will Black people do when Johnnie Cochran dies? Think about it. That will be a sad day in Black history. Here are a few scenarios (Edit: I got tired so there's only one) to help you picture the impact that loss would have.


Terrell and Shaun, two NBA players, are sitting around, chilling in a plush hotel room.

Terrell: *puff puff* *LOOONG inhale* Shiiiet, dawg. Here, gon' head and hit that! This is some prime shit!
Shaun: Naw, I'm cool, cuz.
Terell: Nigga, gon' head and hit that! I got the wet, rolled up towel by tha door, ain't nobody gon be bustin in here!
Shaun: I said, I'm cool, cuz.
Terrell: What the fuck is wrong with you, mayun? Yo ass don't smoke no mo' now? Well, fuck all that bullshit, I'm 'bout to call up Rachel and Monica. Remember dem? The redhead and the blonde that was outside after the game? *starts to dial the number from a small piece of paper*
Shaun: I think I'm just gonna go on home to wifey, man. *starts to get up*
Terrell: For real? You was the one talkin' about how fine these broads were...now you tryin' ta dip? Mayun, what the fuck is wrong with you? You aint never been the type to pass up no free pussy. Fuck is da deal??!!
Shaun: JOHNNIE'S DEAD, NIGGA!! That's what the fuck the deal is!! I can't be doin that shit no mo'!! Suppose we up and get caught or some shit? Them hoes wanna scream some Kobe type shit on us? Who the fuck is gon be there to get my black ass out that mess?? Naw man...them days is long gone. Fuck the bullshit... *grabs his coat and walks out*
Terrell: *looks around, takes one more hit of the blunt, then walks to the bathroom and flushes the rest. He walks over to the window, opens it and begins to fan the air out into the night sky*
Shiiiet, that nigga got a point...
*grabs a hotel towel and quickly dusts his fingerprints off the lighter, the "stash" box and the phone*
That nigga is right!! My ass is trippin! Johnnie ain't here no mo'!! Let me get my ass up outta here!!!

LOL...Negros would be trippin!! NBA stars would be with their wives, weed stock among the rich and famous would plummet and Negros might have to make a "Fuck The Police Part 2" featuring P.Diddy, Ja Rule and Michael Jackson, because of all the shit that would go down. That would be a sad day, I tell ya.

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I LOVE this John Mayer song "Daughters."

I've done all that I can
to stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
but I started to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me


Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do

If those aren't some true lyrics! I have so many friends that attribute their problems with men to their problems with their fathers. And that's not to say that every girl whose daddy is not "perfect" will be a failure in love. But Dad is the first example you have as a young woman of what a man should be. And when you have a good one (like me), you are that much more prepared to know what a man should act like.

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Am I the only one who sees that "Candy Shop" is nothing but "Magic Stick Part II"? It's even got a similar melody. Go ahead, sing the Magic Stick chorus instead of the Candy Shop chorus next time it's on.

That doesn't stop me from singing it tho!! And I LOVE Olivia at the end of the video. Either she is a straight homegirl for real or she has a little acting in her blood.

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Anybody seen the movie "Strictly Business"? The old school one with Tommy Davidson and Halle Berry? Is it just me, or does Wayman look like AJ from 106 & Park? Just a thought...

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I got my hair twisted up again in two strands. This takes HOURS....This time someone new did my hair. She was the sister of the lady that normally does my braids. After we sat and talked as she was doing my hair, she busted out with: "You're an Aries." Just like that. For real. She stated it all matter-of-factly, no question in her voice AT ALL. Now, contrary to the screenname, I'm not all that into zodiac shit. I know my sign's traits and I know that they fit me quite well, but for someone to be able to assess me like that after only knowing me for a few hours was bananas.

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I NEVER want to hear people say there are no ugly babies in the world. I'm looking at this little boy on Soul Food, and I KNOW in my spirit that he had to be an ugly baby. His hairline starts in the middle of his fuckin' forehead. I'm sorry, but that aggravates me. Don't be frownin' up talking 'bout: "Damn, Aries, you mean...." Ugly babies/kids grow up to be ugly adults, and no one has a problem talking about them do they? Well den, let's move on....

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Isn't it amazing the lies people will tell when given the chance? For real, ask someone you think to be a liar a question that is open ended. Make sure you already know the answer. Hell, they can even know that you know. It's all in the delivery. Furrow your brow, blink a few times and look real inquisitive as you ask it. Watch them spew out the most unbelievable bullshit. It's really quite funny.

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OK, here it is time for your participation.

Topic: Exactly how important is perception? We had a very long conversation in my Student Union today about whether or not it's really important to have people percieve you to be the person you really are. I was on the side that argued that it is important to a certain extent. That is basically your reputation. And if you have a terrible rep, that shit can follow you fo' life!! (Sorry, Ice Cube moment there...) We were trying to basically trying to convince this guy to be subtle but do some damage control and let people know that he was not who they think he is.
However, he brought up some ignant (yes, igNANT) ass points in the convo. Among them:

- He doesn't care if everyone thinks that he only likes white girls
Well damn, bruh. I'm guessing you came to school to get a degree, which means you plan on being here for an average of 4 years. He's a good-looking guy, so I know he could be getting bookoo (thanks brutha-free, for resurrecting that word) ass if he wanted. Hell, he could get it from me on the right day with a little better attitude and a small amount of cocoa butter spread on his extremely chisled chest and abs. But, wait...I digress...
So in these 4 years, he will want some ass. If all the SISTAS think that all you want is white girls and after 2 years you finally get tired of jacking off and decided to holla at one of us, do you think we will want you? Hell naw, you look like the fuckin Wesley Snipes of the University! So he will either be stuck with white girls or put a hospital glove on that hand and get a brand new feeling.

- No one his age can teach him anything
WTF? This is where I jumped in. "Don't you know it's possible for someone to be the same age as you and have a lot more experience than you in at least one aspect of life?" Hell, that is like saying a 23 year old ho, who has been fuckin and suckin since before God said "let there be light" can't teach a 23 year old virgin how to put a vaccum grip on a nigga's light saber. (haha...i said light saber!!...)Come on now...

- He doesn't need to speak to anyone
How the fuck does this dude expect to get ahead in life if he isn't at least cordial towards people? The more I think about him, the more idiotic he looks. And it's sad because he is a smart guy. He's just socially retarded.

Anyways, back to the question: How important is others perception of you?

According to my impersonator (look directly below, a bitch is too tired to link), I walk around like my shit don't stink. After I told that to my boy and we talked about snobs, he told me it's not that my shit doesn't stink, it's that my shit stinks the BEST. LMAO...

DUMB HOES!!!!

I wasn't gonna blog on this.

I swear I wasn't.


But THESE HOES up here BEG to be talked about.

This morning, I checked my school account email to find an email from "myself". My full name (first and last) was listed in the "from" section. Curious, I click on it and up pops this wack ass poem stating that I'm a hypocrite and a hater and all this crazy shit. So now I'm thinking this is someone who doesn't like something I said in a poem and wanted to try their hand at writing a poem "back" to me. Whatever. I proceed to class and don't give it a second thought. When I get back to the room, I open it up again. As soon as I clicked it open, my girl calls me and says "what's going on?" The tone is her voice alerted me and I immediately asked if she recieved an email from "me". She had, along with 3 of my other friends. So we took that shit to the campus police and the computer services to file charges and see who the hell this is coming from. This shit is elementary. Who the fuck takes the time to create a free yahoo account, put my name as the sender and write a fuckin poem tailor made for us? Shouldn't you be studying or some shit?? And the funny part is, this bitch sent the email that was supposed to be from me on a weekend when my ass was in St Louis. And everybody knows, when I go home, the 'Ville doesn't exist. I don't check SHIT, I don't call anybody, I barely log onto my comp unless I can't sleep. So the perp could have at the very LEAST asked around and made sure that I was here so that it at least looked like I could have done it. DAMN. Stupid hoes. I cannot wait to find out (even though I have a GOOD idea) who did it, so I can show this ho something I like to call my "dumb ho beaters". They say you haven't arrived until you have haters, but DAMN, can you at least show your face?


Current music: Brooke Valentine - "Girlfight"


The poem is bad. REALLY bad. But leave me a comment and let know if you want to see it and I'll post that 2nd grade shit.

***Edited on Feb 15 to add the wack ass poem***
Here is this wack shit, the exact way I recieved it - verbatim. I TOLD you it was bad. And that's another thing that pisses me off, putting my name on this wack ass shit, as if I'm capable of writing straight doo doo. LOL

My Personal Hater Poem:
You talk the good talk
You tell what you know,
You think that you have all of the answers
You put on a real good show.

You say not to do something
But you do it the same,
When somebody else does it
You call them out of their name.


You are lacking in areas but yet
You put down someone else,
You need to stop focusing on what I'm doing
Pay attention to yourself.


You need to realize who you are
You will find out sooner than later,
You criticize and you judge
You are a hypocrite and a hater.


Why? Who are you?
Don't walk around like your shit don't stink,
Before you open your mouth
You need to stop and think.


Don't hate me because I'm beautiful
Don't hate me because I'm smart,
Don't hate me because I'm always smiling
Don't hate me because of the kindness of my heart.


Don't be mad at me because you are mean and
People don't respond well to you,
Think about some of the things that you say and
Some of the things that you do.


There are too many things going on
To be focusing on what I'm doing,
A personality or sense of humor
Should be what you are pursuingu feel so special??

Oh, yeah, the title is: Don't you feel special? Celebrate it and embrace the two h's. We figured that the two h's are "hater" and "hypocrite". Go figure. I'm thinking of memorizing this shit and doing an "impromptu" performance of it in the Student Union on a day where the suspected bitch is in there. I mean, jump up on that little platform we have in there and spit this like it's the hottest shit since "Juicy" while looking DIRECTLY at the bitch I think wrote it. LMAO...I think I will...

The Education of Aries

Me and my boy like to do lists. In the past three days alone we've done these lists:
- Old (over 40) people that could still "get it"
- Top 7 Jordan designs
- Top 5 Greatest Runningbacks of all time
- Top 5 Male R&B Singers of All-Time
- Top 5 Female R&B Singer of All-Time
- Classy Women (the quintessential "ladies")
- Top 10 Craziest Folks in Show Biz
- White Celebs that could "get it"

Then we got around to hip-hop. We did the male MC's and then it came time for the females. My pick for number one? None other than my girl L-Boogie. Agree or don't, I could care less. No female emcee lyrics have ever had the effect that Boog's have for me. So a la Suezette and recent Diggs (check the sidebar, it's 5 am, too late to be linking), I've decided to break down some aspects of my life, past and present, using lyrics, from L-Boog of course, as the springboards.



"And even after all my logic and my theory, I add a 'muthafucka' so you ignant niggas hear me"
I'll never forget the first time I performed a piece up here. It was titled "Tough Love" and at the time it was very dear to my heart because it was based on a situation that I was still in. So I went up there, performed it, gave it my all and it was met with wild applause. That's supposed to be a good thing...right?

Let me give you some background info on the piece. It's about the difference between making love and fucking. (Now granted, there is a time for both, but that is neither here nor there) In it, I depict a situation that occured quite often in my relationship at the time. I would try to make love and show him how much he meant to me and somehow we would end up fucking. (Once again, there is NOTHING wrong with fucking - it has it's time.) Some of you may be able to feel me on this. But EVERYTIME I tried to make love to him, he would end taking it to that XXXX rating.

So, here I am, trying to put this situation into words and how it made me feel and I've just put my all into this performance and recieved mad applause. So I feel good...until after the set. Anyone who has ever been on stage knows that it's after the performance that you really get to hear what people thought. So, after a few people came up and told me how they enjoyed it, there was a string of about 4 people that told me that my piece made them all hot and bothered. WTF? Wait a minute, you are not supposed to feel sexy after that! You are supposed to feel my pain, feel the emotional torment that situation caused me....aww fuck it...such is the dilemma of a poet.

There are just some pieces that fly over the heads of others that you know in your heart you can't change. And sometimes I do feel obligated to add that "muthafucka" or that "LISTEN TO THIS!!" line right before I have a big point, just to be sure those not quite up to par people get what I want them to out of it, but then I say...eh well....fuck that. I'm not compromising my shit for anybody.


___________________________

"See hoochies pop coochies, for Gucci's and Lucci
Find me in my Mitsubishi, eatin' sushi, bumpin' Fugees."
As I'm sure I've mentioned before, the majority of Black males that attend my university are here because of athletics. On a campus where there are under 200 domestic (read: descendents of slaves) Blacks, the dating pool is VERY slim.

Enter the Becky's and Susan's and Melissa's of the world. These hoes (and yes, I mean that in the sexual way) prey on my Black brothers and look at them with green money bags dancing across their pupils. They know that the men that come out of here have a very good chance of being successful in the pro leagues and at life in general. So they run around with no shame, legs open like express lanes and throats relaxed. Now, I can't fully blame them, these niggas must take some of the guilt too. But, I am sick of seeing it. And the sad thing is, these negros see nothing wrong in partaking of the free goodies as long as they don't enter into serious relationships with them. Hello? Have we learned nothing from these famous Negros currently going through courts because of some shit that was "just sex?"

Then these same negros get mad because none of the Black girls wanna get with them. Well let's see, you've been through the entire freshman AND sophomore rush class of XYZ sorority (and those white orginizations rush like 30 at a time!) and you expect me to listen to you, much less fuck with you? Hell naw! And not only that, but you wanna sit there and think that you can talk to me any kinda fuckin way? No thank you Negro, you can find me in my Nissan, eating salad and croutons and listening to that new Legend, John.

____________________________

"I was blessed, but couldn't feel it like when I was caressed
I'd spend nights clutching my breasts overwhelmed by God's test
I was God's best contemplating death with a Gillette
But no man is ever worth the paradise MANIFEST"
Whew...this is another day, but just know that this spoke to my situation SO well at one time.

_____________________________

"Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity"
When in love, I give my all. I have to keep referring back to my last relationship, because if you haven't guessed by now, that nigga put me through hell. But all that aside, it's the relationship I learned the most from. I gave him my ALL. I was 16 when we started dating, he was 22. I was the one driving cross-city to see him. I skipped programs intended to get me ahead in life to spend 30 minutes driving to see him and 15 minutes actually being with him. I sacrificed my relationships with my mom, my dad and my friends I've had for YEARS all to be with him. I did anything he asked. I cooked (I don't cook for my damn self!), I cleaned, I rolled blunts that never touched my lips. I pulled my car up on the sides of buildings I'd never been to in my life, pulled alongside vehicles with tints and didn't know who was inside of them. I cut school and lied to almost everyone. All out of a desperation to be with him. I was his confidant, his mother, his sister, his girl, his virgin, his freak, his spiritual partner, his wife and his "business partner." I played so many roles for this nigga that I forget who the hell I truly was.

In the final stages of out relationship, I found that a lot of our arguments centered around him saying that I treated him like "the low man on the totem pole" and me getting irate and having to run down all the shit I did for him. It always ended up with me asking when he was going to do for me. When I would recieve 1/10 of the devotion and dedication I put in. When I realized I was never going to get any of it back, I started looking at myself, wondering what I did wrong, wondering if I didn't do enough (ha!).Then I realized all that shit I was doing wasn't me. It was me being who he wanted. And I came to the conclusion that in order to get back what I put in, I have to give of MYSELF, not someone else's idea of who I should be.

____________________________

"Just as Christ was a Superstar, you stupid, Star
They hail you then nail you, no matter who you are"
I would love to post this on the forehead of EVERY arrogant negro that I know. Our society centers itself so much around pop culture that we forget to humble ourselves. But it's so true that the same people that make you can break you. It doesn't matte who you are, you never know when the tables will turn and the Mercedes you were riding in yesterday becomes the house you are living in today.

____________________________

"Expert witness (the paid authority)
Made a priority to deceive the majority
Of disinterested peers
Dodging duty for years
Hating the process
waiting to be returning to their careers"
If that doesn't describe our court system, I don't know what does. The corruption of the judicial branch is the main reason I am trying to stray away from law school. I don't think I have the heart to see a system that is made of serve the people and reveal those that are innocent repeatedly prosecute those who are the poorest.


_________________________


"Loving you is a like a song I replay
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day",
Excerpt from one the nicest verses ever (if you ask me). I didn't get the impact of this statement until about 2 years ago. Think of your current favorite JAM. You know, the one that makes you cut the radio in your car all the way up, roll up the windows and transports you everytime you hear it. Think of that hypeness you feel everytime your "song" comes on. Think about how when you finally got it put on a CD, you pressed the "repeat" button too many times to count, just so you could feel that same way a little bit longer than the first 3 minutes and 52 seconds. Imagine feelings that same way about the love you share with someone. Damn that line is sick. I'm waiting for the day that I can say that to someone.



****Major cookies to you if you can name the songs these came from (don't be googlin' the shit, neitha!)****

My Comp Is A Whore

I'm about to kill my comp! It's like it went behind my back! I've got this SpyWare shit implanted all on my comp and now my homepage is being held hostage and I can't read a blog for two minutes without 345 Ads popping up everywhere! I've tried lavasoft.com and AdAware...they didn't catch the bastard!! Any ideas? Help....please...*goes into the corner to cry*

Aries Answers...

Brutha Free's Questions:
If you can take away one characterstic about yourself, what would it be and why?
A couple of years ago I would have said my temper, but I've worked on that and it's SO much better now. Umm...I would have to say my impatience. I have very little patience for people's faults and mistakes. And since I'm not perfect, it kinda makes me look like a hypocrite when I cut off others for making a minor mistake.

What is one thing that you just can't live without?
Since Margaret kinda asked this same question (with one stipulation), I'm going to take the easy way out and say my family.

What do you feel is the purpose of life?
Wow. You really got deep on this one, huh? In moments of despair and confusion there is a quote from Eve's Bayou that answers this perfectly:
"All I know is that there must be a divine point to it all that's just over my head. That when we die it will all come clear and we'll say 'so that was the damn point.' And sometimes I think there's no point at all and that's the point. All i know is that most people's lives are a great disappointment to them and no one leaves this earth without feeling terrible pain. And if there is no divine explanation at the end of it all - well, that's sad."
In times of enlightenment and when I feel most close to God, I say the purpose of life is to serve and praise the Lord and bring others to get to know him. On the most human level, I think the purpose is to get through being as happy as possible, cause the least amount of pain to anyone and try to improve any wrongs that you feel you can right.

Margaret's Questions:
What do you want to do once you finish your education?
Hopefully I can make a living from writing. (Ha!) I would love to write REAL literature, I'm talking Morrison, Walker, Hurston LITERATURE that will withstand the test of time. But more feasibly, I will probably end up in law school for entertainment law.

What is your hometown?
Born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio!! I spent 12 years there and then moved to St. Louis, MO. So it depends on who you ask. Those who say your hometown is where your high school is tell me to claim the Lou, but Cleveland is my heart. (How else in the world could I be a Browns fan? lol)

What are 3 things you CAN NOT live without (not people)?
My music collection
My Bible
A means of private transportation ( I am NOT a public trans girl)

Golden's Questions:
What's your favorite ring tone on your cell?
"Two Words" by Kanye and Mos Def because it sounds just like the song.

Favorite color?
I can't pick just one. Green, black, grey, brown and pink will do.

Scrambled or over easy?
Hmmm, assuming you are referring to eggs, I say neither cuz I don't eat them. But what the hell, Scramble it up!

Starfoxx's Questions:
Have you ever traveled outside of the country?
If you don't include going to Canada when I was two, nope.

Are you bilingual?
Hablo un poco espanol. Not for real though. I always find it easier to comprehend than to speak.

Boxers, Briefs or Boxer Briefs on your man?
Boxer briefs if he's really in shape, boxers if he's not.

Diggs' Questions:
What are your top 3 favorite songs of ALL TIME?
Damn, only three?? OK, OK...
"Adore" - Prince
"Someday We'll All Be Free" - Donny Hathaway
"You Send Me" - Sam Cooke
Wow..that is funny. I always think that I like female vocalists better than males, but my "top three" songs are all by men...HmMM...

Which qualities of your best friend would u like to emulate?
Kindness and trust. I am so evil at times that it's sick. I always say if I don't talk about you, I don't like you. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I also find it very hard to trust ANYONE and my best friend is that person who always gives people a chance.

Do u have a Valentine?
Yep...a few. *poppin my collar* Nothing super serious, but I have a couple of people I need to make sure feel special on that day.

Dayrell's Questions:
Guilty pleasures?
LOL...damn, must I really reveal? Ok, ok...umm.. *whispering* i enjoy dancing to paula abdul. sometimes i think of interview questions AND answer them like I'm famous... Less embarrasing ones? Shoes, clothes and perfumes.

Worst date?
OMG...This one guy named Mike. I was 16. I met him at my cousin's house at a BBQ. He ended up spending the whole damn day up under me and cornered me and got my number. Nonetheless, he was cute so I agreed to go on a date with him. He came to my house like 20 minutes early so he ended up waiting on me to come home and get showered and dressed. He picked me up in his dad's car - some kinda pickup. It was cute and would have been fine had we not stopped to pick up his boy on the way. I ended up squashed between Mike and his friend and the movie theater we chose to go to was like 20 minutes away. When we finally get there, he buys our tickets and then his boy (who was SUPPOSED to be meeting some girl up there) informs him that he doesn't have enough money for two tickets. Mike says he can't help him because he was taking me to the club later and needed all his dough. I ended up giving his boy $5 for a ticket that he didn't even use (his girl never came). Our snacks for the movie were one bag of SourPatch kids and a jumbo soda with TWO straws. Keep in mind I just met this negro and didn't like his clingy ass in the first place. During the movie, he was all over me while his boy sat there and egged his ASS on. He sat right next to me and kept hitting on me and Mike would sit there agreeing with his ass. I was too through after that. We did not make it to the club and about 3 weeks later (and 4637 unsuccessful attempts to get him to stop calling me), this negro told me he loved me. I promptly told my daddy, who cussed his ass clean out and then told my aunt who talked to his mother. Fuckin leech...ugh..

Weirdest celebrity crush?
Wow...wierdest? I have a thing for Tyrin Turner...I don't know if that's wierd though. I'm also quite partial to Alton from Real World Las Vegas. He's just so sweet and honest.

JEDI's Questions:
What's the worst thing about you and why are you afraid to change it?
I have a tendency to downplay myself. I'm honestly my own WORST critic. If someone tells me it's good, I have to point out the flaws. I wouldn't say I'm afraid to change it but I never want to appear cocky or arrogant. I cannot stand people who come off as arrogant and I notice it's usually those who aren't the best at what they try to do. So I may be afraid to change for fear of becoming that person.

What would you wake up on a Saturday morning for? Or to rephrase what would be important enough to inspire you to leave your bed?
It would have to be good! I think a planned trip to someplace beautiful would make me get my ass up. And by beautiful I don't mean Costa Rica (though it would be nice), I mean just a beautiful place (a museum, a park, the beach) anything that I find to have aesthetic value. That, and a sale at one of my favorite stores!

What would you do with your billion dollar check?
Sheeeiit...sit on my ass and be spoiled! I would make sure that my parents are taken care of, make sure my sis has a college fund and some extra money, buy some property and live lavishly with the rest!

Dylan's Questions (via email)
What is the first word that passes through your mind when asked? Mine (I'm in a selfish mood...)

Recommend me a Poet?
First and foremost, my favorite poet of all time - Nikki Giovanni. Assuming you are familiar with her, I would send you towards Tish Benson. She is a great performer and her words fare well on the page.

Will you try to get published?
Yep, I'm just not sure what first. It will probably be poetry though...although I would love to put out a book first.


Mr Young's Questions:
Describe your perfect day?
My perfect day would have to be busy. I would spend the morning in bed (preferably with someone I care about), get up about 9 and go sightseeing in the city on a gorgeous day (I'm a sucker for sunshine and a cool breeze). Midday, there would be a long drive somewhere to eat, more sightseeing, some good food and music and the night would end with some excellent conversation. I'm not hard to please... ;o)

Tell me what I mean to you?
Don't do me. I am not that bad!! Refer to number 6 from this post. But for real, you are special, you have shown me so many things in such a short time and I truly appreciate that. You don't expect more from me than I can give(I think) right now and for that I am so grateful. I cherish you as a friend.

If I asked you to give me one thing from your room, what would you give me and why? Ha! I know you want my car! (For those of you who don't know, I have one of those remote control cars that does the 360 degree flips and all those crazy tricks. And it's mine!! All mine!!) So, now that we've got that clear, I would give you my 1968 Olympic poster, because although I love it, I think you would give it a lot more thought daily than I do.



Whew...that was cool, and I probably made it WAY longer than it should have been because I can never directly answer a question, but it's my blog right?? Aiight den,see ya'll tomorrow! Thanks for all the questions, guys! You thought of some good ones to get me looking inside myself. Good lookin'...

Action Figures Sold Seperately

You're in the club. It's a nice night, you're having fun. The DJ throws on a song everybody knows but you. No problem, you like the beat and you keep your ass out on the dance floor. All of a sudden, the chorus kicks on and everybody starts doing the same dance move. Arms are flying, hips are twisting, fingers are in the air. You look around and try to quickly pick up on what it is everybody is doing. You look left. You look right. The people are all engaged, eyes closed, with the "this is MY song!!" look on their face. You quit trying to learn and continue to do your own dance. People start looking at you crazy like you are fucking up a video shoot by being the only one on the dance floor not doing said movement. Defeated, you begrudgingly make your way to the bar to sit and wait for the next song.


You have been ambushed! There are certain songs that REQUIRE certain movements at the proper times. Silly you. You thought you could just pick up and go out after sitting on the couch for 8 weekends in a row? No, noooo!! There are new songs with new motions that must be mastered before stepping foot into a club.

Too many months of going out and being a self-proclaimed "party girl" at school have rendered me helpless against certain songs. They hold me hostage and demand that I do the accompanying dance/motion. So here is my (off the top of my head) list of:

Songs that I MUST do the actions to (No matter how hard I try not to):

"You Don't Know Me" - T.I.
This boy looked like he was about to knock himself out in this video. Ya'll know the deal - when he says "you don't know me":
First, point outward, Second, drag ya arm across the chest/neck area and Thirdly, point to yourself. YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!!

"Dirt off Ya Shoulder" - Jay-Z
Yeah, the motion may be annoying, but as soon as this song comes on niggas shoulders get linty as HELL. Brush it off...

"Lean Back" - Terror Squad
I try. I swear I do. I sit in the club, arms folded, screw face on, thinkin' "damn, is this song still getting airplay?!!?". All through the first verse and the first chorus, I'm stoic. There WILL BE NO dancing on this song. Then Remy Ma comes in...I feel my arms loosen.....my mouth starts forming the words..."we gangstas, and gangstas don't dance, we boogie...so never mind how we got in here wit' burnas and hoodies"...and then.....then....LEAN BACK NIGGA!!! DAMMIT...I feel my shoulder dip and the next thing you know I'm auditioning to be in Terror Squad. Mission Failed.

"Hotel" - Cassidy
"Six in the morning, six in the morning!!!" Don't resist. Just throw those hands in the air, one finger up on one hand and the other one flashing all five. Now flip em back and forth. Six in the morning, indeed.

"The One" - Cee-Lo
Ya'll musta forgot (c in a circle - Roy Jones. Who remembers that song??!!). This song was a banger...was it last summer? "Put ya finger in the air if you the one girl!" Shit, you besta believe my finger went up every time the chorus kicked in. Ya'll remember them ugly stupid hoes in the club who HAD to prove they were the one and threw up the finger with BOTH hands. Let's count....one finger....TWO fingerS...hmmm. It's like raising both of your hands in 2nd grade: two hands isn't gonna increase your odds. If you were gonna get called on, it will happen. If not, sit down, shut the fuck up and wait until there's another question (song) that applies to you.

"Knuck if You Buck" - Crime Mob
I know I've mentioned this before, but it's the perfect example to show how I MUST dance to my part in this song. When I was in ATL in October, Crime Mob performed at the club I was at that night. Ya girl was severely BENT on an entire bottle of Bacardi 151. I mean, I was OUT. "Cut off the lights close the curtains and pull up the covers" OUT. However, when homegirl said "I come in the club, shakin my dreds...", I hopped my ass up, shook my twists for all of 2.3 seconds and promptly passed de fuck out on the couch again. It was mandatory.

"Vivrant Thing" - Q-Tip
Ya'll remember this. Tilt ya head quickly to one side, then repeat. If you would like, you can say "Dum, Dum, DIDDAAAY!" (a la the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air")

"Tell Me" - Dru Hill
Ya'll remember this wack ass video and the wack ass dance that went with it. Them negros was bouncin around looking like some black ass overdone popcorn kernels. But I do it whenever I hear this jam.

"I'm Bad" - LL Cool J
Think back to this video. That's right....red pants...Kangol....no shirt...gold chains...yes...yes...you got it! Now there are two parts that are absolutely MANDATORY in this song. "Forget Oreos eat Cool J cookies!!!"....yes...the infamous "stomp and the crush" action....you're doing it now, aren't you? Admit it...it's ok. The second one is "I'll take a muscle-bound man and put his face in the sand...I'm BAD!!!"...Make the muscles...then take one hand and put your palm parallel to the ground, the other hand goes on the side of your head and you double over like you're so damn "bad" that it makes you sick to your stomach.

"The Butt" - EU
One of the originals. I'm convinced it's impossible to hear this song and not do the dance for it. Unless, of course, you are somewhere that makes it hard, in which case I'm SURE you will do the arm motions.

I tried not to include songs with built in dances, such as "Step in the Name of Love", "1,2 Step", anything that says "Do the A-Town stomp!", "Cha-cha Slide", "Peanut Butter and Jelly" etc... I know, I know, now you're saying, "But Aries, isn't 'da butt' a dance?" Technically, but all the songs I just mentioned cross song boundaries. If I see ANYBODY doing "da butt" on a song other than that one, best believe my right hand will be cockin' back for a full-on pimp slap.

And all my STL folks, there are no STL songs on here because we all know that we do the Mono/Chickenhead or the Stab/Shank/Pancake/Clown to every damn song by an artist from the Lou. It's just that Midwest SWWWAAANG!

Oh yeah, if want to ask me any questions click here and leave them in the comments. I'll be answering those sometime this week.

Things Around Me Right Now

that I like...

Songs

1)"Turn Da Lights Off" - Tweet
Tweet is my peeps. Her first CD was the truth. If you haven't checked that out, you need to hurry and do that. The singles that were released were in NO way representative of her album as a whole. Matter of fact, when you hear the whole album, those couple of singles stuck out like WTF? This song is hot, minus the long ass intro and Missy's rap. I'm just glad Tweet is back.

2) "Rich Girl" - Gwen Stefani and Eve


I used to be a No Doubt fan. Everybody always knew Gwen would go solo one day. This song is hot, straight dance floor material and Eve is in top form with the rhyme.



3) "Daily Bread" - Martin Luther
This video comes on all the time on Video Soul. Every time I saw it, I hit the "channel" button. Finally, one day I caught it at the beginning and said "hey, isn't that my girl Nona Gaye? Indeed it was and the song is nice. Serious groove and a feel good track.

Scents

4) Venezia by Adrianne Vittadini.


I love this stuff. It smells so girly. Plus it is fairly cheap for perfume.







5) Black by Kenneth Cole.

I've had this for about half a year now. I've got a big old bottle and it's not even 1/4 gone. I originally got hooked on the men's and bought a bottle for my boy. Then the women's came out and surprisingly smelled as good as the men's so I was hooked up with a bottle as well.

Randomness

6) Sour Skittles.
I forgot how good these are. Skittles have always been my FAV candy of choice but the Sour ones hurt too much to suck on. But once you get all the sour shit off these, they are TASTY..

7) Samsung V205.


My cell phone is my BABY. And although I complain and I really want a new one, recently I had an episode where my baby wasn't whole and I couldn't find the battery. That scare made me fall back in love.






Eh, I'm sitting here trying to think of three more items but who said lists had to have 10 items anyway? Like my girl Lauryn said, "I get out of all your boxes.." (And yeah, I WILL learn how to do borders and the such ONE day!) Since I OBVIOUSLY have nothing to write about, I guess I will jump on the blogger bandwagon and open my comments section up for you folks to ask me some questions...You know the deal: 3 questions you would like to see me answer. I guess that's how it works...Help me out and ask some good ones to get my motors turning again...

**** SLIGHT EDIT ON FEB 4*****

Some of you have already done Part B to this so I figured the other two parts would be easy:

A. First, recommend to me:
1. A movie:
2. A book:
3. A musical artist, song, or album:

B. I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. (remember be NICE!)

C. Then,go to your blog, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything they want!

You Wouldn't Even Be My Friend (looking like that)

Am I the only one physically sickened by the sight of Biz Markie? I seriously cannot stand to look at this man. His face is full of craters, his teeth are blocks of cheese, his lips are huge and crusty and his elbows are black as hell. That man is the definition of oogly...*shudder*

No real post for right now..I just had to get that gross image off my mind...

*** EDITED TO ADD****: Play this game. It makes me laugh hard and plus it's fun!!